Rachel Mortenson

READER FINDS: Tove Lo Bares Her Funbag, Shanina Shaik Nip Slip, Rachel Mortenson Cleavtastic, and Much Much More…

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Hey, kids, what time is it? Only Uncle Bill’s favorite time of the week. When I don my hypoallergenic latex gloves and extra from our velveteen satchel the tidings of this past week, transmitted by you to me for you. You may sigh when seeing monkeys raising abandoned kittens on the Internet, I sigh at the benevolent gesture of nature’s human denizen sharing wonderments of the world’s most beautiful women, past and present, in various state of undress. To each their own. Though I suppose you could revel in both, I’d just keep the monkey cat thing quiet.

This week’s Reader Finds includes Shanina Shaik slipping nip in GQ Italy (thank you kindly EgoReader ‘Detente’), Cailin Russo topless and bare bottom goodness in just a towel (niceties provided by ‘Ben A.’), Cecelia Rodriguez topless sultry in calendar form (muchas gracias para Cecelia goes out to ‘Raymond’), Genevieve Picot in topless Euro skinematics (kudos to ‘Aria’), Imogen Poots underrated blonde hotness in Elle Belgium (wondrous find by ‘Devon’), Kate Mara intoxicatingly cleavetastic for Glamour (love me some Kate M., thanks ‘Robert L.’), Marjorie Levesque wicked hot and quite nearly topless (tossed into the octagon by ‘Stevie’), Nathalie Emmanuelle booty show on the small screen (oh, cheeks of heaven via ‘Dezzy’), thespianic Nicole Fox baring boobtastic for the sake of the script (Fox’s peaches courtesy of ‘Elena W.’), Rachel Mortenenson sideboob and cleavetastc hotness (Rachel is super fine, and ‘Yorell’ is super kind for sharing), odd but brave Tilda Swinton topless skinematics (thank you much muchly to ‘Aaron’), Toni Collette also dramatically topless (boobs of a feather, via ‘David R.’), Indonesian-American model Charlotte Carey topless and Katrina Elizabeth tennis tubes bared and Sophie Marceau nipple-licious peek (provided forthright by ‘David M.’), underrated hottie Madeleine Stowe topless in a classic (loved me some Maddy, thanks ‘Pinto’), Rachel Korine topless direction from her filmmaking husband (adored me those Springbreakers, kudos to ‘Anthony’), pop star Tove Lo flashing her bare breast in support of the nipple at Rock ‘N Rio in Vegas (much thanks to a ton of you who saw this blessed boob), and last, but not least, 80′s sextastic icon Bo Derek flashing her Funions in one of her memorably faptastic film roles (well done, ‘Terry T.’). It’s a lot, but a lot is so much better than a little in the world of never enough. Enjoy.

Rachel Mortenson Spilling Over Bikini Top in Agency Test Shots

When you’re an up and coming model, your various outlets and agencies are going to take test shots to size you up for potential. Here’s a look at some of the early shots of L.A. model Rachel Mortenson now working for Guess. Do you see any potential? Yes, I know, a boatload.

The wicked hot boobtastic blonde is spilling over and nearly out of her bikini top which pretty much qualifies her most jobs on earth, including hot fashion model for which her toolbox also seems to be overflowing. There are a number of crazy alluring women in this world, but only a select few have the compelling looks and ridiculously hot body and that mysterious X quality that takes them into the professional stratosphere. Rachel Mortenson, you’ve been places, you are going to even more. If you’d like to stop by my place for a lemonade and a nap along the way, you don’t have to ask twice. My door is always open. I just wish smoking hot blondes walked through more often. I’m sick of the vagrants. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Agency Polaroids

Rachel Mortenson Is Home Alone and Nekkid with Steak to Celebrate PlayboyPlus $1 Signup Special!

Rachel Mortenson Is Home Alone Again
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Rachel Mortenson may be the face of Guess, but she’s the body of Playboy once more in an encore performance for the Bunny brand with her entire outrageously hot body in display in this stunning pictorial. If she licks her finger one more time, I’m going to jump right through the monitor and try to Tron my lust for her. There’s something to be said for alluring blonde women with faptastic bodies. And that thing is, ‘Hey, gorgeous, have you ever tried a broke guy before?’

Greatest Thing Ever! PlayboyPlus $1 Sign-Up Special! 

Our friends at PlayboyPlus really really want you to get involved in their fine humanitarian efforts, like access to their thousands of galleries and videos of the world’s most attractive women who just happen to be nekkid. It’s quite a combo really and truly. I only recommend the things I love. Or anything a hot girl asks me to do if I’m being honest. But I can’t be bought, only exploited by epic funbags. Every man has his line in the sand. Enjoy.
Photo Credit: Playboy Plus

Rachel Mortenson Puts Her Whole Hot Body into Ball Sports in Galore

Up and coming lingerie model Rachel Mortenson has taken the next step toward building a permanent home in the caverns of my libido by turning to the sprayed wet and oil rendition of various sextastic athletic gear poses. Oh, my. That killer tush on Rachel Mortenson combined with a racktastic that seems as if it was sculpted by the gods high atop Olympus, six points.  I think you know what a sucker I am for hot girls in sports unis. That damn lucky boy bar on he bike. Oh, to be a metallic inanimate object within sweaty distance of Rachel’s alluring lady parts.

Bravo to the fine work of the people at Galore magazine for recognizing that driving men crazy isn’t all that complicated. Wicked fine woman. Sweet curvaceous body. And, naturally, a baseball bat. Enjoy.

Rachel Mortenson Bikini Pimping With Sextastic Frederick’s Flair

Nice to meet you, Rachel Mortenson.

Talk about making an entrance, the curvy delicious and all-around spectacular bodied former Hooters calendar girl Rachel Mortenson puts on a stunning display of bikini sextastic for Frederick’s of Hollywood, who now sells bikinis I do believe. They’re selling me right now as we speak. Well, Rachel is helping out quite a bit. I’d certainly buy whatever she asked of me, if she just cooed. Cooing is a vastly underrated skill. Rachel, coo me. Please. Enjoy