Jewel’s MILFtastic Booty Cheeks In A Bikini Bottom Poolside in Miami

You turn around and suddenly Jewel is forty and a mom and wearing a big floppy sun hat. Where does the time go? Jewel could probably write a song about that and make it a hit. As for me, I’m content just ogling the MILFy singer as she flashes a little booty cheek, make that, a solid bit of two handed squeezable bottomside in a bikini around the pools in Miami.

Oh, sure, Jewel may not have the tight arse of your average supermodel featured in these here pages, but for those of you complaining about stick figure hotties, here’s a mom with a nice cushion of caring, a thumper of substance that just calls for a spanking, you know, if it’s mutually agreed upon between both parties in writing and there’s a safe word in place. Also, she promises not to cut me off from free rent at her place. Then, the spanking, followed by a lovable caress. I punished with the left and reward with the right. Oh, Jewel’s bikini wet bottom is making me forget my sensitivity training again. That’s when I know it’s good. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Jewel Goes Country Cleavetastic for Music Awards

It was time for the American Country Awards in Vegas, which I suppose are different than the Country Music Awards by about one word, but they still brought out all the country music hotties and the sort of almost country music hotties alike. But what really caught my eye was singer Jewel, who’s been making a boobtastic comeback of late, showing up to red carpet events with her chest puppies pushed up to the nines, announcing her return to relevancy.

And quite an announcement she made last night with her cleavy goodness, looking mighty fine. I remember Jewel from back in the day when she was always good for a teasy upskirt or naughty peek onstage. Could this be a return to those glory days? If so, I’d like to write a country music song about it. Melancholy it shall be. Enjoy.

Jewel Drops a Boatload of Bosom for NBC

Well hello there, Jewel, and Jewel’s big pushed up bosom. Everybody loves to make a good first impression, or first re-impression if you haven’t been seen out and about much in celebrity circles of late. Consider me impressed.

While I never quite understood the music, I always loved the simple sextastic of Jewel, and her occasionally commando wardrobe performances on stage. That never hurts. Nor does getting all bosomy and upfront for the NBC Fall Previews. I could look up to see if she’s in a new show and why she’s there, but I’m too mesmerized at the moment by her visual gravitational bodies. Enjoy.

Jewel Cleavage Edges Out Keri Russell Nipple Poke To Lead Egotastic! Top 10 Hotties at 2010 Emmy Awards

When Gretchen, my six-fingered assistant, awoke me from my Nyquil-induced slumber screaming into the phone about how hot Kate Gosselin looked at the 2010 Emmy Awards, I knew two things: first, I have got to change my cell phone number, and, second, it was going to be a lean year for the sexy at TV’s annual award show. Heck, I don’t know if my top two picks, Jewel and Keri Russell, are even on TV. For all the effed up nonsense of the movie business, the silver screen has a good leg-up on television when it comes to the hottie factor.

Still, there are some amazing looking woman on the boob tube, many of whom made our list of Top 10 Hotties at the 2010 Emmy Awards, in spite of the fact that a whole lot of this year’s small screen ladies sure looked like they were some guy’s third string option to the prom circa 1996. Honestly, a shout-out to the dead singer of Blind Melon would not have surprised me in the least.

Here’s my Top 10 among the pretty lean crop this season, pictured from left to right: Jewel, Keri Russell, Maria Menounos, Olivia Munn, Christina Hendricks, Eva Longoria, Nina Dobrev, Sofia Vergara, January Jones, and Brooke Burke.

Photo credit: Fame / Splash News

Jewel Bikini Pictures on Twitter

Jewel’s star has all but completely faded. The once one-hit wonder (okay, maybe she had 2 or 3 hits) hasn’t done anything of note in years, so it’s odd to see her try and make a comeback via Twitter. If that’s even what she’s doing. I don’t know. But how else do you explain Jewel posting bikini pictures of herself to Twitter? Like I said before, I hate that celebrities use Twitter, and think it makes them cool, but if Jewel bikini pictures or Lindsay Lohan topless pictures on Twitter is the price I’ve got to pay, I’m cool with that.

What Happened to Jewel’s Breasts?

I don’t know what happened to Jewel’s breasts, but if you ask me, that head-shrinker guy from Beetlejuice definitely had something to do with it, otherwise, I have no explanation. Where once Jewel had some of the biggest and bestest boobs in the business, now she, well, doesn’t. I don’t know, maybe she bought one of those Ronco Food Dehydrators. But whatever’s going on her, definitely isn’t natural.