Jennifer Hudson

Paula Patton, Taylor Swift, and Shannon Elizabeth Led List of Hotties at Pre-Grammys Salute to Something

Honestly, there were so many pre-Grammy parties over the weekend, it’s impossible to keep track. They all honored somebody or something very worthy I’m certain. I know the chicken was overcooked at most events and it was impossible to get a drink or three. Still, the hotties came out which means our periscopes were raised, both literally and figuratively, including this Industry Icons event where Paula Patton, Shannon Elizabeth, Taylor Swift, Miley Cyrus, and many others came out to show off their cleavage, the best cause of all really.

As much as I lambaste awards season, it is also high season for decked out sextastic celebrities. If that’s your thing, it’s one of mine, then this is your high season as well. And you didn’t even have to pay $500 a ticket to get that bad chicken. Enjoy.

Jennifer Hudson Tribute Song to Whitney Houston at the 2012 Grammy Awards

Jennifer Hudson Tribute to Whitney Houston at the 2012 Grammy Awards
Watch Video

Okay, so I’m getting sappy in my old age. And spoiler alert for the West Coast crew, but here’s Jennifer Hudson in her tribute song to Whitney Houston at tonight’s 2012 Grammy Awards.

Back to hot celebrity babes shortly…

Taylor Swift, Selena Gomez, and Katy Perry Bring Low-Cut Heat to American Music Awards Sextastic Roundup

Okay, we’ve already kind of spoken our peace about the celebration of the musical arts b.s. that the American Music Awards and all music award shows claim to be. And, no, we’re not music snobs, because half of this craptastic pop music we actually like, but when we listen to it, we know it’s the Doritos chips equivalent of audio excellence. It’s junk food for the ears. But when Uncle John is in town from Humboldt County, oh, how we crave that junk food.

In contrast, what we do take quite seriously is the bevy of beauties these award shows bring out; divas of all shapes, sizes, backgrounds, origins, and auto-tuned pre-recorded levels that share one thing in common — we want very badly to make the sexy with them backstage in a closet.

This year’s American Music Awards awards for noteworthy excellence in the area of wood making included Selena Gomez, who really stole the show tonight, despite the omnipresence of her 90-lbs of goof tied to her arm, Katy Perry, who has now not shown us her boobs for four full years, Taylor Swift, who still always looks like she’s trying to see into the Close Encounters alien ship when the doors open up and the aliens descend (but we still want to make many babies with her), Jennifer Lopez who put on a 40-something body show for the ages, Christina Aguilera, who has seen some hard times, but bonus points for bringing the cleavetastic, Jennifer Hudson and her new bodacious body, Albanian import Bleona Qereti who dropped some silly amounts of boobtastic, ever hot Vanessa Minillo, and non-singers Sarah Hyland and Audrina Patridge who just rev our engines in entirely different ways.

Not a bad showing, AMA’s, at least in the area of the visual arts. Enjoy.

After the Oscars: Selena Gomez and Jessica Biel and Other Hotties at the Vanity Fair After Party

After the film industry-wide circle jerk concludes, and the lights go down on the Kodak theater, the real parties in Hollywood begin. None more important each year than Vanity Fair event, where the magazine brings out all the big names, most of which weren’t actually close to being Oscar worthy, but, still hot, including this year my niece/girlfriend Selena Gomez (yeah, we cut the midget out of the picture), Taylor Swift looking all gold and on top of the world, Natalie Portman fresh off her Best Actress win, Jessica Biel, who I miss dearly, Brooklyn Decker, who I can’t get enough of, the Glee sisters, Dianna Agron and Lea Michele, and Nordic blonde twinsies Cameron Diaz Gwynneth Paltrow, Charlize Theron, veteran hottie, Jennifer Hudson, whose miracle cleavage was one of the stars of the Oscars, and Kate Beckinsale, forever ridiculously sexy. In short, if everybody had stripped off their clothes and jumped into the pool, it would’ve been very close to a recurring and very private day dream of mine. (Still, Gino’s Pizza Rolls nuked from the garage freezer deep thaw, a La-Z-Boy recliner, and a glass of adult milk is nothing to sneeze at for an Oscar’s after-party either.) Enjoy.

Photo credit: Getty Images / Splash News

2011 Grammy Awards Sextastic Celebrities Give Me Treble In My Loins

Okay, so I admit, I fell asleep halfway through this year’s Grammy Awards. Well, technically, half way through the first five minutes of the Grammy’s. Actually, to be perfectly honest, I turned it off when Lady Gaga arrived in an egg. Call me old-fashioned, but back in my day, when a girl was unattractive, she just wore a ball-cap low over her head and showed off her cleavage. Still, this is my job (I mean, as much as my fantasy life leads me to believe I am gainfully employed), so I tuned on the DVR and did a run-through in Egotastic! motion. Not bad really on the sexy celebrity side this year. Always hit or miss at the Grammy’s. And, for me, the surprise hit of the night was definitely Jennifer Hudson. Wow. Girl lost several stone of potatoes and gained my hardcore lust in the process. Welcome to Egotastic!, Jennifer, and, bravo.

Along with Jennifer Hudson, other standout sextastic for me included Selena Gomez (so hot without her midget in tow), Heidi Klum (whose contribution to the music world is banging Seal), Paz Vega (for that barely there dress), Kim Kardashian’s butt (injected with fat culled from dead baby seals), Katy Cocktease (big boobs never hurt, always help), Rihanna (something about that body and her see-through dresses), and Ciara (who is now front and center in my dominatrix dreams). Enjoy.

And, while I once again received zero invitations this year to any Grammy parties (somebody is obviously stealing my mail), I’d be remiss if I didn’t point out for your ogling pleasure the dress worn by Miley Cyrus at the Clive Davis’ Grammy Pre-Party. While I do think it ought be considered a crime against nature to hand Miley Cyrus a working microphone, I will say this, she dolls up perty. And in this tight little number, well, you must enlarge to check out her cleavage compression.

Photo credit: INF Photo / bauergriffinonline.com / Splash News