I didn’t do so well in most of my classes past the fourth grade or so. Physics, forget about it. But I’m pretty sure just from common sense I can tell you that the body Coco has built for herself is not going to properly fit into the dress she picked out for herself last night. Two objects can not occupy the same space at the same time, or something like that. While Coco’s enormous yams didn’t come plummeting out of her top as I suspected they might, her panties peeked out from under her tight short dress and other of her curvy lady parts seemed to threaten to party in the spotlight just about the same.
I’ll say this for Coco, she’s never boring. I’ve spoken with her before and she’s about the nicest, sweetest person you’ve ever met. When women are even halfway polite to me, that says something about their character. But as far as grabbing dresses off the rack and thinking they’d fit her perfectly, well, Coco might have a slightly different selection process than Ann Marie Bellaganza, the woman with the mole who used to chaperone the girls at our dances. She was not a fan of girls showing any skin or curves. She kept them under strict conservative lock and key. Until most of them got pregnant. Go figure how that happens. Enjoy.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI/Splash
I truly hope you’re enjoying your holiday today. To think that even half of the sugar plum fairies dancing in your head last night turned into sextastic real angels in thong bikinis today, that is the Christmas dream. In honor of the holiday, we put together a little melange of beach booty from Miami this past year, thong exposed asstastics from some of the regular bottom side contributors in South Florida in 2014. Claudia Romani, Michelle Lewin, Coco Austin, and others. Consider it my frankincense for your libidos.
Merry Christmas from Egotastic!
There’s nothing modest about Coco. I think that’s her intention. The big booty curvaceous model and reality star has been flashing her super sized cans this entire week in Barbados, where the local Caribbean natives are respecting her as the legendary pale goddess of fertility. I’m sure they don’t often see such dramatic cheeks on the tourist class coming down to revel in the white sandy beaches and extra-strong rum punch.
Though most of her bikini becomes swallowed up somewhere in her lady curves, I’m pretty sure Coco is donning a leopard print number for her latest unable-not-to-leer romp across the beach. She really is a rather unique specimen. I’d have to imagine she’s getting an entry in the medical dictionary under Whooty Ginormous. It’s all fun and games until a child gets smothered under her cheeks. Enjoy.
I know Coco and her big and bigger booty is not for everybody, though make no mistake, there certainly is enough for everybody. But if you happen to be a ‘lots more cushion, for lots more pushin’ kind of guy, then Coco’s dramatic curves and shape probably get you into some kind of lather. I’m not sure her thong bottom isn’t crying for help in some manner. Only there’s no way we could hear it being smothered by her round mounds of reckless abounds. This is some pretty monumental territory.
Coco was flashing her front side boobside as well in Barbados, just to ensure that everybody within a couple degrees latitude got a peek at her sea-worthy vessels. I’m sure satellites in orbit didn’t miss them either. It really is quite the show. Coco, I’ll say this for you, you definitely leave your mark. Enjoy.
Thanks to our good buddy Igor at DrivenByBoredom.com (and to Widget on Twitter) for his personal snaps of Coco in her more memorable moment of her burlesque show. And, by memorable, we don’t mean her song and dance routines. We mean topless. At some point in the show, Coco does remove her sparkly top to reveal her even more sparkly funbags. We couldn’t be more pleased, or eye strained.
Coco isn’t exactly a shy girl when it comes to body exhibition, but she does usually manage to keep her chestal goodies in some kind of containment. Not today, good people of Egotastic land. Feast your eyes upon Coco’s tremendous teats and just imagine the roar of your motoroboat engines revving well into the dangerous red gauge zone. I’m in the same dream at the moment, so if you see me, do say ‘hi’. Quietly please. Enjoy.
Photo credit: Driven By Boredom for the Village Voice
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It’s time to unveil the week’s worth of the best of the social media candids posted by the hotties themselves this past week. But, before we do, I’d like to take a moment to honor the seemingly heaven-sent combination of celebrity ego and universal access to digital media technology that combine to create this incredibly faptastic moment of cultural significance. Even but ten years ago, this couldn’t possibly have been imagined. A phone, in my hand, flipping through photos of half nekkid sextastic celebrities that they distributed directly to me? We are living in blessed times I tell you. Everyday is Thanksgiving.
This week’s Sextastic Twitpic Roundup includes Jennette McCurdy easing back into showoff mode, Elizabeth Gillies in some surprisingly revealing candids, Irina Shayk playing gotcha with her own twin perfections, busty Francia Raisa bikini posing, Ashley Benson in her own cleavy bikini showdown, Ashley Tisdale showing off her tanned bikini boody, Dani Thorne showing off deep cleave, and much much more. You owe it to Donald Sterling’s poor, innocent, victim of a young mistress to check out each and every one of these self published selfie sextastics. Enjoy.
You know Coco had a racktastic of immense proportions. You knew her badonkadonk matched her upper lady humps inch for inch and then some by an exponential factor. You knew all about the curves and the cleave and the cans and the squeeze. But did you know how damn limber Coco could be? Nay, nobody did.
There’s something to be said for the big and round bodacious curvaceous women. And, there’s something to be said for the lithesome ballet girls and yoga masters who can lift their legs above their heads. But what is you combined the both into one S-shaped stretchable ligament toned lady thang. Well, then you’d have Coco. It’s hard to imagine what it must be like to share private fun time with a woman who is both big bottomed and incredibly strong and limber, but I’m going to guess that one of those words is ‘fun’. Enjoy.