Charlize Theron

Charlize Theron Swimsuit Jet Skiing Veteran Hottie Goodness in Miami

Talk about your sirens of the sea. And I do often talk about them myself. Charlize Theron continued shooting for something important I'm sure along the beach in Miami in various swimsuit wardrobe changes. Her favorite being her ride atop a Jet Ski as that's how I imagine she show's up at my lagoon front abode ready to throw me down on the ground and force me to do things my mother always told me would make me an indecent fellow.

Charlize Theron looks like a super fun gal who keeps herself in incredible shape. I can't believe her current choice of boyfriends, but then I never really do. I'm here for you, Charlize. Bring a few of those tight swimsuits and an open mind and Im prepared to show you the best three to five minutes of your life. Enjoy.

Charlize Theron Bikini Wicked Goodness in Miami

Oh, yes, Charlize Theron, you've still very much got it. Despite her inexplicable relationship with Sean Penn, there's no denying that blonde South African thespianic Charlize Theron still has the statuesque sextastic working full-time as evidenced by her bikini photoshoot down in Miami. As if Miami needed more hot girls in bikinis this week,

Charlize came on a paid professional venture, revealing her lean female form in numerous bikinis and midriff baring outfits. She's quite the alluring mommy. C'mon, Charlize, what does Sean Penn have that I don't? I mean, besides the oddly muscled physique for his age and rage issues? I can talk acting too, provided we're nekkid and you agree to call me Big Daddy. Enjoy.

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2014 Academy Awards — Oscar Red Carpet Hotties (Updating)

So, let it begin. The 86th Academy Awards and procession of the sextastic.

We'll keep updating this as the various lovely decked out ladies of Tinsel Town exit their limos and arrive on the red carpet. But you can't be off to a better start than Ireland Baldwin and Maria Menounos.

Ah, Olivia Wilde, Emma WatsonCharlize TheronKristen Bell, Naomi Watts, Julia Roberts, Sandra Bullock, Kate Hudson, Penelope CruzAnna Kendrick, Amy Adams, Cate Blanchettand many more.

In summary: there wasn't much by the way of risque or cleavy or showy on the red carpet this year, but there's no doubt there were a dozen or more ladies of the Silver Screen who looked absolutely stunning in their million dollar get-ups. It's just like my prom night, except with hot girls who fit their dresses. Enjoy.

Charlize Theron Bikini Pictures for Hawaiian Islands Sextastic Beach Stroll

Oh, Charlize Theron. The hair is coming back in, along with a decade or more of strong feelings for the smoking hot South African actress who has been statuesque and passion inducing for as long as I can remember. Seeing Charlize in her bikini in the 50th state reminds me that she remains one of the most eligible ladies in all of Tinsel Town. Well, for my part, at least ogle-able.

Charlize's trainers always go on and on about her amazing workouts and sweaty efforts. I'd say they're paying off. I'd sure like to towel her down after her workouts to smell her hard work myself. But I'm guessing she's not ready for a panting, whimpering man to take over that particular position. A real shame. I'd dab tenderly. Enjoy.

Charlize Theron Bikini Pictures Multi-Colored Goodness in Hawaii

Charlize Theron is an adopted mom now, a just completed Max Max road warrior, and just as hot as ever. Granted, the short hair cuts are not our favorite, but if you're looking at her fur top, you're missing so much glorious and sextastic middle parts, I might need to send you back to school.

On vacation in Hawaii, Charlize switched between red and yellow bikinis, two colors that to me I still read as green, go ahead and ogle, as she hung out by the pool in our nation's 50th state. Like most men and Sapphic leaning women, I have strong feelings for Charlize. Sure, you could try and pigeon hole these complex emotions and call them the super-hornies or something, and, you'd be mostly right. But with Charlize, I think I'd even muster up a few minutes of foreplay. I know. Just for the very special ladies. Enjoy.

Charlize Theron Nipple Pokes Are Quite Extraordinary

We've always had a major crush on Charlize Theron, who hasn't? But now it seems that Charlize has a major crush on somebody herself, because whoever she's thinking about in her photos in Max magazine has got her headlights straining something fierce.

As members in good standing of Nipple Lovers Anonymous (NLA), we're already prone to play happy peek-a-boo with the pointy ends of our favorite celebrity funbags, but when they get to be all swollen and strained, well, heck, all the NLA members end up hosting their own private meetings in the bathroom. That's just how we roll. Full beams away. Thank you, Charlize. Enjoy.

Mr. Skin Minute Includes Lena Headey, Jennifer Hutchison, and Charlize Theron All Buck Arse Topless (VIDEO)

 

The other day, my woeful emo band playing friend Scott (dude's named Scott are always melancholy, please, don't write and tell me you're the exception) was telling me how sad and sorry this world is. And I felt so sad and sorry for Sad Scott for not noticing that we live in a time when we have more sextastic celebrity skin at our fingertips, by a million fold, than ever before.

Who wants to pen tragic tales of lost love with a chick with a nose-ring when you could be penning new tales of lust with girls such as Lena Headey, currently in Dredd 3D, but topless in Aberdeen, Anna Hutchison, the gorgeous blond topless hottie in The Cabin in the Woods, and classic Charlize Theron full-frontal nekkidness in The Devil's Advocate. And you can see them all in this week's Mr. Skin Minute. Oh, yeah, it's free and works on repeat. So buck up, Scotts. Enjoy.