Charlize Theron

Charlize Theron Brings the Goodies Back in Bra Shoot for Esquire

I try to divorce the woman from the work as much as I possibly can. It seems only fair as I ask people to judge me on my character, and not just my record of completely misunderstood peeping tom arrests. So, I’m trying my best to ignore the fact that out of a billion eligible men, including myself, the veteran hottie Charlize Theron has decided that Sean Penn is the man to whom she wishes to give her body and soul and, oh, that body. I’m not one of those maniacal egomaniacs who thinks the girl should always be with me. I mean, I do beg, but I understand my realistic ceiling. Still, maybe a guy with a less extensive track record of beating up on the ladies? Charlize, we all care about you, for you, and naturally, want to see you nekkid and healthy.

Featured in the current edition of Esquire magazine, Charlize shows why late 30′s is nothing for a genetically blessed hottie in terms of keeping up with the sextastic of the girls a decade younger. The South African thespianic is looking mighty fine in just her bra for this cheeky black and white spread. It’s time likes these I remember my vow to humanity to invent a lickable computer monitor that tastes just like what you’re viewing. For now, my prurient thoughts remain a generation ahead of available technology. Enjoy.

Heidi Klum, Brooklyn Decker, Charlize Theron, Jessica Alba Highlight the Hotness in US Weekly Hot Body Issues 2014

US Weekly may not be a periodical for the male of the species, or the thoughtful, but any magazine outlet that is putting together photos of sextastic celebrities for a collection of Hot Hollywood bodies is definitely worth perusing. Let’s see here, Brooklyn Decker, Heidi Klum, Charlize Theron, Jessica Alba, Lea Michele, Sofia Vergara. Check check check, this sounds like the list I made for my imaginary pool party this summer.

While US weekly sort of compiled some existing photos of each of these crazy hot famous lady folk, I would certainly volunteer to update their hot body photos with some shots of my own taking with my fingers forming a square and me making a click sound as I tell the girls to make love to the camera, literally. I suppose this is why I lost my photographers license at the last hearing. Enjoy.

Charlize Theron Swimsuit Jet Skiing Veteran Hottie Goodness in Miami

Talk about your sirens of the sea. And I do often talk about them myself. Charlize Theron continued shooting for something important I’m sure along the beach in Miami in various swimsuit wardrobe changes. Her favorite being her ride atop a Jet Ski as that’s how I imagine she show’s up at my lagoon front abode ready to throw me down on the ground and force me to do things my mother always told me would make me an indecent fellow.

Charlize Theron looks like a super fun gal who keeps herself in incredible shape. I can’t believe her current choice of boyfriends, but then I never really do. I’m here for you, Charlize. Bring a few of those tight swimsuits and an open mind and Im prepared to show you the best three to five minutes of your life. Enjoy.

Charlize Theron Bikini Wicked Goodness in Miami

Oh, yes, Charlize Theron, you’ve still very much got it. Despite her inexplicable relationship with Sean Penn, there’s no denying that blonde South African thespianic Charlize Theron still has the statuesque sextastic working full-time as evidenced by her bikini photoshoot down in Miami. As if Miami needed more hot girls in bikinis this week,

Charlize came on a paid professional venture, revealing her lean female form in numerous bikinis and midriff baring outfits. She’s quite the alluring mommy. C’mon, Charlize, what does Sean Penn have that I don’t? I mean, besides the oddly muscled physique for his age and rage issues? I can talk acting too, provided we’re nekkid and you agree to call me Big Daddy. Enjoy.


2014 Academy Awards — Oscar Red Carpet Hotties (Updating)

So, let it begin. The 86th Academy Awards and procession of the sextastic.

We’ll keep updating this as the various lovely decked out ladies of Tinsel Town exit their limos and arrive on the red carpet. But you can’t be off to a better start than Ireland Baldwin and Maria Menounos.

Ah, Olivia Wilde, Emma WatsonCharlize TheronKristen Bell, Naomi Watts, Julia Roberts, Sandra Bullock, Kate Hudson, Penelope CruzAnna Kendrick, Amy Adams, Cate Blanchettand many more.

In summary: there wasn’t much by the way of risque or cleavy or showy on the red carpet this year, but there’s no doubt there were a dozen or more ladies of the Silver Screen who looked absolutely stunning in their million dollar get-ups. It’s just like my prom night, except with hot girls who fit their dresses. Enjoy.

Charlize Theron Bikini Pictures for Hawaiian Islands Sextastic Beach Stroll

Oh, Charlize Theron. The hair is coming back in, along with a decade or more of strong feelings for the smoking hot South African actress who has been statuesque and passion inducing for as long as I can remember. Seeing Charlize in her bikini in the 50th state reminds me that she remains one of the most eligible ladies in all of Tinsel Town. Well, for my part, at least ogle-able.

Charlize’s trainers always go on and on about her amazing workouts and sweaty efforts. I’d say they’re paying off. I’d sure like to towel her down after her workouts to smell her hard work myself. But I’m guessing she’s not ready for a panting, whimpering man to take over that particular position. A real shame. I’d dab tenderly. Enjoy.

Charlize Theron Bikini Pictures Multi-Colored Goodness in Hawaii

Charlize Theron is an adopted mom now, a just completed Max Max road warrior, and just as hot as ever. Granted, the short hair cuts are not our favorite, but if you’re looking at her fur top, you’re missing so much glorious and sextastic middle parts, I might need to send you back to school.

On vacation in Hawaii, Charlize switched between red and yellow bikinis, two colors that to me I still read as green, go ahead and ogle, as she hung out by the pool in our nation’s 50th state. Like most men and Sapphic leaning women, I have strong feelings for Charlize. Sure, you could try and pigeon hole these complex emotions and call them the super-hornies or something, and, you’d be mostly right. But with Charlize, I think I’d even muster up a few minutes of foreplay. I know. Just for the very special ladies. Enjoy.