I know I often say, this one has it all. But this one, man, this one has it all. The level of quality and quantity and sextastic rating of the social media self-shares by the hottest celebrities continues to rise at geometric rates, though it could be exponential as well since I have no idea what any of that means. I just know the goodness count is rising and all thanks to the desire of the hottest among us to remind us gently, but in a tingle inducing manner about that very fact. Ego is good.
This week’s Sextastic Twitpic Roundup includes Beyonce and her stellar hourglass booty, Lindsey Pelas flashing a healthy dose of her sweet pelas, Kylie Jenner showing off in a swimsuit, Candice Swanepoel upside down perfection, Courtney Stodden deep cleavage, Lindsay Lohan bikini candid, Miranda Kerr plunging neckline, and much much more. You owe it to the wretched folks who still wait for magazines in the mail to check out each and every one of these candidly hot selfies. Enjoy.
Beyonce had quite the weekend with the Met Gala as the centerpiece of her asstastic shows in various stages of revealing wardrobe over the weekend. Whatever the paparazzi didn’t capture she managed to take on her own to share with her adoring public. Hey, without egos there is no egotastic.
And, what’s not to like. Motherhood and a couple years has treated Beyonce quite well. That hot curvy mom body is definitely in prime form. I can’t remember her ever looking better. I’d hate to think rumors of her marriage on the rocks were any bit true, except for the part where I become her rebound fling she greatly regrets by way of mention in her next bio documentary. I want to be that regret, if it means a couple weeks caressing every wonderful curve. She has a bunch. And she looks fantastic. Enjoy.
Oh, faux pas, how two women showed up wearing the same dress to the Met Gala. Okay, not exactly the same, but as my eyes are systemically trained toward bare skin, I couldn’t help along with others notice how both Beyonce and Kim Kardashian were sporting nearly identically revealing designer gowns to the fancy event. It’s not unusual for the ladies to wear some revealing tops, but these exhibitionist prone ladies of the press were showing off serious bottom booty skin in these gowns that could get you arrested if not imprisoned in many countries around the world.
But, to the more important question at hand? Who wore it better, as the style blogs like to say. Or, who looked more asstastic as I like to say because I’m a cad who thinks very much like you do. You know I have a hard time making these kinds of decisions, between two women I’d shank any one of you in the shower for a two minute conjugal. Yes, even Kim, c’mon, that would be the best two minutes of your life. I’d say both these ladies deserve credit for daring to bare their curvaceous bottoms in such a sparkling manner. I’d have to do the slap test to say for sure. I’m so ready for that. Enjoy.
The Met Gala is quickly approaching the Oscars in terms of the A-list celebrity hotties decked out in $20,000 dresses and even more so in terms of daring to bare some serious skin. In fact, I’m close to saying it’s better. New York high fashion does demand some very revealing gowns, starting with Kendall Jenner baring some serious side boob, Jennifer Lopez looking almost quite nekkid, Kim Kardashian and Beyonce battling in see-through booty dresses, and dozens of other smoking hot sextastics in plunging cleavage and hot skin reveals.
Now, the Met Gala may be just another fancy event whose invitation obviously got stolen from my mailbox, but it’s perhaps the finest. Next year, I’m renting a tux from the Men’s Wearhouse and making my way onto the red carpet. I promise to take good pictures. This lineup of crazy hot women in these showy gowns deserve some cellphone camera work. I’ll do my best. Enjoy.
Beyonce is back one-hundred percent in the game of exhibition, which is where she belongs, because this MILLF has a fifteen year track record now of one of the curviest, most bodacious bodies in pop music. She may not always lead the way in terms of in your face show-off raunch skills, but she has always been head of the class in swell hourglass curves that her peers find hard to match, certainly without artificial enhancements to the tops and bottoms.
Beyonce’s latest and greatest bit of look at me now involves her cleavetastic vacation photos. She’s somewhere tropical and sharing leers of her sweet chesty melons because, dammit, that’s just what nice girls do. Not necessarily good girls, but nice girls. There is a difference, though I suppose both ultimately deserve sainthood. Keep up the good work, Beyonce. You’re gifts are intense, share them all with the world and you can be my hero. That’s a something. Enjoy.
I got so many positive responses last week to my little bit about what I was watching online on a Sunday evening, I decided to give you my list again. Granted, the bulk of that positive response came in emails from my Uncle Steve followed by, can you help me out with a few bucks, but I like to think his compliments were independently valid. I like sharing. It makes me feel like I’m part of a global campaign to help people see more hot women. If the UN had any legitimacy, I would already be named an ambassador.
As to what I’ve been watching the past several hours, well, how about Candice Swanepoel oiled and glittery booty, Beyonce bikini body hot in her Standing on the Sun video, Stephanie Pratt showing off like a naughty schoolgirl for the Brits, and Doutzen Kroes teasing in black lingerie and stockings. As you can tell, my tastes are diverse. I invite you to share in my virtual playlist. Enjoy.
I’d be remiss in my duties if I didn’t give a shoutout to Beyonce boobtastic, on display after that hideous Kanye West Fashion Week charade of shoes. The entire episode might have been one of the worst events in the history of the human race had it not been for Beyonce showing off her chesty goodness after leaving the show. I’k pretty sure she knows Kanye’s booties suck. But she wasn’t going to waste the highly publicized event without showing off some of the skin that has helped to make Beyonce one of the premiere music acts in the world.
When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. When it gives you overpriced suede booties by Yeezus, you turn it into the chance to remind 50 million men why they dream of you many a cold evening. The Sasha Fierce funbags are quite the kicker. Enjoy.