Adriana Lima

Cara Delevingne, Kendall Jenner And Adriana Lima Attend A Yacht Party In Cannes

For those of you who write me asking about my progress toward securing my own yacht, thank you for asking. The number of years remaining until my downpayment is assembled remains high, though when measured in centuries it seems much more doable. Once I’ve obtained my water craft, you can bet I’m going to be hosting parties onboard the likes that attract Cara Delevingne, Kendall Jenner, and Adriana Lima to party like it’s 1999, though I’m not sure these girls were even born then.

Yacht parties are all the rage in the South of France during May when models and celebrities and thespianics all gather to check each other out and compete in perhaps the world’s most cloying of cat fights. And much of it takes place at sea. Who will score the top girls for their forecastle? What hottie will get wasted enough to fall into the water requiring assistance? Who will be found in the morning in the lower bunks with some guy not me? These are the questions being asked. I really don’t want to answer until I have a boat of my own and can yell out things like, ‘Herbert, bring some champagne to Ms. Lima, she’s empty.’ Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Splash/INF

Irina Shayk And Adriana Lima Hug Dreamily At The Chopard Gold Party

I don’t know much about the Chopra watch brand other than I’m guessing their Gold timepieces cost more than my Hello Kitty knockoff Swatch and I failed to receive my invitation to their swank bit of party night in Cannes. Meanwhile, half of the hot models in the city seemed to get their parchment copy with time, date, and location. Hmm, this could be a conspiracy.

There were a number of hot and lovelies gracing the red carpet of this event including Sara Sampaio, Michelle Rodriguez, and Lindsay Ellingson, but when Irina Shayk and Adriana Lima hugged I nearly spit out my gonads. Wait, what? I mean, it was a very emotional and heartfelt moment that reminded me of the humanity inside all of us, also, the boners. I’m just being honest. Those two girls hugging comes straight out of my many a REM sleep night fantasy where supermodels hug each other then rock-paper-scissor to see who gets the first round of Uncle Bill magic. Maybe a hair pulling instead of rock-paper-scissors. My dreams are flexible. So are these girls. I bet this party was better than horrible. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Hey, Bill, Whatcha Watching? Oh, Katy Perry, Adriana Lima, and Maria Menounos Flashing Fun Parts (VIDEOS)

In this week’s edition of, Hey, Bill, Whatcha Watching, I truly reveal the inner sanctum of my soul by confessing to the fact that I love smoking hot women who likes to show off their bodies for fun, attention, pay, or any of the myriad of complicated reasons for which I promise not to ask follow ups. When a gorgeous woman starts taking off her clothes, don’t ask her why. Just look heavenward and say a little thanks or something. It’s all kind of theoretical to me.

This weekend I’ve been watching tons of cool short form bits of sextastic. Oh, Erika Mitdank teasing white hot in a white tank top, Sara Jean Underwood eating pizza, drinking Bud, and flashing underboob, Katy Perry shot up-butt in concert flashing tuchus suprema, Adriana Lima nipple slipping during a bikini shoot, Maria Menounos deep bends for her health and ours, Hilary Duff incredibly hot BTS, and Kimberley Garner BTS modeling her own swimwear bikini line. Heck, all that and I didn’t have to pay $100 to watch two sweaty guys jousting. Just the girls. Always, just the girls. Enjoy.

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Candice Swanepoel Topless Covered With Her Hottie Friends for Victoria’s Secret Swim Special 2015

Hot girls often have hot friends. I feel like if I could just crack the code on the first part of that equation, I could inevitably surround myself with beautiful half-nekkid to fully-nekkid models and celebrities who think of me as a trusted friend they can change in front of. That is the dream.

Candice Swanepoel has some mightily attractive friends. Many of whom she hooked up with to film the Victoria’s Secret Swimwear Special. Just looking at the results, I can see several things that are quite special, starting with Our Lady of Swanepoel laying barely covered on the beach. I’ve always maintained the best way to sell a swimsuit is by having one outstandingly sextastic woman not wear that swimsuit in photos. The Emperor’s new clothes really is the ideal line for these incredibly alluring bodied women. If there’s one thing I know, it’s absent fashion. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Victoria’s Secret 2015 Swim Special

Adriana Lima Picks Out Her Valentine’s Lingerie Gifts

The outright gorgeous Adriana Lima shared her selection of Valentine’s Day gifts she wants for herself outside the V.S. store in Vegas. As if she couldn’t ask for just about anything and we wouldn’t jump to buy it for her. Though if buying her bras and panties, I’d probably find myself with the sudden ability to fly.

The Victoria’s Secret pimping fest that is Valentine’s Day is in full overdrive mode with just ten days left until the holiday of confusion for men. They are determined to have hot girls in lingerie in the front, back, and middle of your mind as you venture forth this next week and a half knowing you must do something for the big day. Stay strong, not that we stand much chance in the face of Adriana Lima twirling panties around in the air. The deck has always been as stacked as the ladies. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: PacificCoastNews

Britney Mason, Erin Heatherton, Adriana Lima, AnnaLynne McCord Hotties at Leather and Laces Super Bowl Party

I think this Leather and Laces pre-Super Bowl party is some kind of tradition now. Not a bad one as far as big hype weekend parties go. Especially when you get the likes of V.S. models Erin Heatherton and Adriana Lima to show up to your gig. Thrown in Britney Mason and my slender sweetheart AnnaLynne McCord and you have a party in leather. Forget the laces. Football is overrated compares to sextastic women in themed exhibitionist outfits.

The Super Bowl itself is not really about football. It’s about catering to the dreams and aspirations of the viewers. I couldn’t aspire any higher than to visualize these dark and blonde lovelies arriving at my abode for a little pre-game festivities. We could toss around the ball or just go straight into epic group making of the sexy. I’m flexible and I make a killer artichoke dip. Somebody blow the whistle. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: PacificCoastNews

Adriana Lima Leads Squad of Hotties for V.S. Super Bowl Promo

The girls of Victoria’s Secret, the angels, are gearing up for their big commercial promo for the Super Bowl on Sunday. It’s unclear exactly whether the ad is target at the guys or the millions of women who also watch football especially on this one big game day of the year. Either way, I suspect the guys will be watching.

There’s something extra-credit sextastic about world class smoking hot girls in sports uniforms. Full football gear is not exactly my first choice in fine female form wardrobe, but I would work with it. It might get a little weird if they’re all padded up like real ballers, especially when helping them undress. But stay focused on their feminine beauty and what lay beneath and you won’t feel so uncomfortable removing their shoulder pads and jocks. The commercial should be special. I’ll watch it even as I am inevitably saddened by my certain Super Bowl betting loss. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Victoria’s Secret