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Breasted Gnome Jesus Found In Tennessee

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bill-swift - May 28, 2014


There are great mysteries that defy our understanding. Is there a God? Where did we come from? And why is there a big breasted Jesus statue hidden inside a garden gnome. You might be confused by the previous sentence. Like, you know what the words mean but not what the signify together. Heather Andrews is a young woman living in Lynnville, TN who was given a ceramic garden gnome by a friend named Jillian Pozzi. It seemed to be just an ordinary mass produced ugly little shrub troll. Then she dropped it. Inside of the gnome there was a statue fused inside that had the body of a big-breasted woman and the head of our Lord and savior Jesus H. Christ. It was still plastered to the roof and feet of the gnome inside as if the booby Jesus had somehow been created intentionally in the shell of the gnome.

The Vatican is silent on the possible implications of this manifestation. Why would a woman Christ be hidden inside the body of a mythological garden gnome? Is it a statement about the inner mixture of the feminine and masculine power of the monotheistic faiths dwelling in the heart of paganism? Or is it just an accidental fusing of two or three different statues made by a starving twelve-year-old child in a Chinese factory. I don't know. What I do know is that I'm going to stop smashing my neighbor's garden gnomes.

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