Chelsea Handler Topless To Announce Egotastic! Site Upgrades


Okay, perhaps Chelsea Handler didn't post more topless pictures of herself to social media just to celebrate our upgrade to WordPress circa 2013. Which by the way when you're upgrading from 2008 is pretty monumental. Like Chelsea's funbags, we are doing our best to stay upright and shipshape.

You may notice some wonkiness in the next 24 hours on the site. This is all normal and natural and no need for you to call the authorities or down even more Cosby cocktails to calm your nerves. Everything will be fine. In fact, better than fine when we unleash the power of 2013. Don't you remember how fast you were last year? Indeed. The upgrade will allow us to unlock the mysteries of mobile and tablet and embedded videos and improved user experiences. Also, more boobs. You gotta have more boobs.

Mother Nature had a laugh when she gave me the technical know how of a slow chimp. But I've vowed to be more tech forward than my grandfather who cried when he first saw indoor plumbing. You try squatting over a bucket for the first nineteen years of your life and tell me you wouldn't shed a tear yourself. All good things on the horizon.

O Topless Hotties of O Negocio, Just My New Favorite Show


Assuming for a moment you don't get HBO Brazil, you're perhaps missing some of the best topless television in the world. O Negocio, which I'm told roughly translates to The Business, runs on the channel down Sudamericana way and just unfurls in each episode some of the finest funbags on the boob tube anywhere. So, I thought I'd share. The ladies of Season 2 alone are a mouthful and a half. Maybe you could use a hand or something. Just super fine Brazilian thespianic vixens constantly making the sexy for the purpose of advancing the story line.

Take a look and see if you don't fall in lust as well with this largely unknown HBO number. Enjoy.

Michelle Lewin Bikini Pictures Asstastic Readiness for the Coming Winter Solstice

I really just see my own words coming to fruition here by the minute. Is the competition heating up already in Miami for best bikini body? Oh, yes, it's already en fuego. Michelle Lewin is staking out her territory of the worked out, yoked out, curvaceous asstastic model types. The competition is rough, but Michelle looks more than ready for anything that might come her way, including the glances of gentlemen oglers peeking her readily abundant taut female form.

What's clear to me is that this is going to be the best winter yet in Miami. It's all been leading up to this. Like the perfect storm of the bikini sextastic. Also, I realize I'm going to need new binoculars and an enhanced brush and local flora disguise to blend in to the background as these luscious legs, ample thumpers, and precious pert ta-ta's walk endlessly by. So much to do, so little time. The work doesn't scare me, just the humiliating public boners. Nature made me this way! Enjoy.

Michelle K Sells Albums With Her Boobies And Other Fine Things To Ogle

Michelle K will give you a signed nude pic with every album! (Idolator)

Kendall Jenner and her nips walk the runway. (TMZ)

Beyonce's new video has her traipsing around in lingerie. (Drunken Stepfather)

I don't know who Pilar Lastra is but she is muy caliente in underwears. (Hollywood Tuna)

Iris Kavkas in lingerie gives me a Kafkaesque feeling in my pants. (Popoholic)

I don't care what Bette Midler says, Ariana Grande is a hottie. (The Superficial)

Meet Playboy's Stephanie Corneliussen. Spoiler Alert: She's got big ol funbags. (COED)

Kate Middleton Simply Red Hot Royalty

I suppose during this season of thanks my mind turns toward the sextastic women I'm most thankful for. Kate Middleton. Not just because she may or may not be my baby mama. Though that plays a part. But for being the best damn looking regal beagle in the past five hundred years in the nation of England. That's not just a thing, that's a big thing, for everybody involved.

Though pregnant again with somebody's child I can't legally mention, Kate is still slender and getting around the country looking fine and proper and cutting ribbons and patting kids on the head and stuff. She does it like no other. Or, at least, the boys are probably happy to receive her pats versus the stale coffee smelling frightening creatures that used to come before. Kate Middleton has no equals in her circle. She's a groundbreaker, an actual hottie reproducing in Windsor House midsts. It's a big deal. I hope our next one is a little daughter. Oops. I've said to much. Enjoy.

Laura Cremaschi Sweats Hard for Booty Harder

As I mentioned in Hot Bikini Geography 101, all the fine ladies are either making their way to Miami or already there and doubling down on their booty workout sessions to keep up with the influx of competition. Laura Cremaschi is no slouch or rookie to these seasonal hot body adjustments. She's in the outdoor gyms perfecting her asstastic in a pair of shorts so short, well, you can see her perfecting her asstastic. No need to wait until you get home and see how you look in the mirror. Tone as you go.

If the libido could sweat with anticipation consider my grey matter getting clammy at the breakout winter season in South Florida soon to be upon us. It's like every day is the Super Bowl for the gentleman oglers December through March during the high season of high thongs and tiny tops. Santa, you know damn well what I want for Christmas. Let's not fuss about with letters mailed to the Pole. Give me the bikini girls! Enjoy.

Susy Gala Topless Pictures Celebrate Best Ass in Spain Declaration


Here's what I love about the Spanish. Well, it's not just one thing, but one more thing. Interviu magazine just named matured-themed film star Susy Gala as the best asstastic on the Iberian peninsula. That's very liberal minded of them. Many countries might ding an adult star because of her more extensive work in the erotic arts, but Spain sees a job as a job and a booty as a booty and forgoes all the judging. I can't imagine any U.S. magazines would do the same in their hottie naming lists. In fact, they almost entirely specifically exclude adult entertainers, even though several of them are well beyond good looking. Not all, but some.

So bravo Spains, Interviu, and most of all Susy Gala, whose more profound work I'm sure I can share with you in some measure, though for now, just her killer female form in her acceptance speech pictorial. It's a mighty fine thumper. Si, Senor! Enjoy.

Okay, Susy at her day job: