Hello Kitty Is Not A Cat

Get ready to have your mind blown out of your ass: Hello Kitty is not a cat. Let me repeat, Hello KITTY is not a cat. My entire life I've lived under the impression that the cloyingly cute Japanese character was a little kitty cat. I thought that because she has ears and whiskers and is called Hello Kitty. But a spokesman for Sanrio, (the company that makes Hello Kitty), said:

"Hello Kitty is not a cat. She's a cartoon character. She is a little girl. She is a friend. But she is not a cat. She's never depicted on all fours. She walks and sits like a two-legged creature."

When this was reported in the news he back peddled a bit saying that though she is not an actual cat she is the personification of a cat:

"Hello Kitty was done in the motif of a cat. It's going too far to say that Hello Kitty is not a cat. Hello Kitty is a personification of a cat."

So, what the F is it? Is she an effing cat or not? It's like a version of Schrodinger's cat. When is a cat not a cat? When it's Hello Kitty. This makes me question everything I know about life. I mean, if Hello Kitty isn't a cat am I a human? Is the universe real or just a hologram? Is there a God who would play dice with the universe in such a way that he could make a cat not be a cat while still being a cat. I need to lie down.