Stupid Crap On Coupon Sites: Pump Worx Beginner’s Male-Enhancement Power Pump

One time when I was thirteen I took a can of spray on hair dye from Halloween and sprayed it on my pubes. It burned. A lot. My grandmother then explained to me that I have to be very careful what you put on your "parts". These are words I've carried with me all these years later. Which is why I would be very apprehensive to buy the Pump Worx Beginner's Male-Enhancement Power Pump with Free C-Ring. For one thing, I don't want any item I can buy with a coupon to go messing with my penis. I'll pay full price for quality, thank you very much. I'm also intrigued by it calling itself a "beginner's" male enhancement pump. Is there such a a thing as an advanced or intermediate male enhancement pump? Can they make your thing look like different animals like a topiary bush? The product info states,

"Pump system helps men achieve higher-quality erections with its intense suction and medical-style pump; quick-release valve enhances safety."

I also didn't know there was such a thing as a "higher quality" erection. I figured you either had an erection or not. Personally, I've never cared about the "quality" of my erections. I don't even know what that means. I'm confused.