Now You Can Smell Like Star Wars Characters

For the most part if you smell like a serious Star Wars fan you smell like BO, masturbation, and despair. Have you ever been to a midnight showing opening night of a Star Wars movie? It does not smell nice. Luckily, a German company has come out with a line of colognes and perfume based on Star Wars characters. Is it a cynical ploy to make money? Hell, yes. Will people buy it? You bet. First up is a cologne for men called Empire. It doesn't smell like the Emperor and have whiffs of adult diapers and purple lightning. It smells like lime and bergamot, chords of apples and jasmine, and a base of amber, sandalwood, patchouli, and tonka bean. Next up is Jedi, which probably smells like celibacy and ponytails. Actually, it's mandarin, spicy aromas of pink and black pepper, nuances of sandalwood, and essences of amber, patchouli again, and musk. Lastly is a thing for all the lady nerds with Amidala. It smells like dying of a broken heart and mandarin and green apple, a bouquet of orange blossom, patchouli, geez, sandalwood, and sensual vanilla and musk.

Will I be buying these scents? No, because I'd like to have sex with a lady again.