5 Dictators Crazier Than ‘The Dictator’

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bill-swift - May 17, 2012

Sacha Baron Cohen's new movie The Dictator opened this weekend to rave reviews. Unlike his last film, Bruno, this one isn't a giant turd sandwich. Cohen plays Admiral General Aladeen, the dictator of the fake Middle Eastern nation of Wadiya. The guy is a bit of a despot and mass murderer. The guy is a total psychopath, but at least you can relax in the knowledge that he isn't real. Alas, General Aladeen is a loving humanitarian compared to these real-life dictators. We all know that Hitler and Mussolini were brutal nutjobs, but unfortunately there are many others. Here are 5 dictators crazier than Cohen's Dictator.

Kim Jong-Il

This guy is the Elvis of insane dictators. He grew up being told that his father Kim Il Sung was the commie messiah and that he would be the next communist-religious god dude. He drank Crovisier by the crate, built massive palaces full of giant statues of himself, forced people to name their kids after him, all while ruling his people with an iron fist. While the North Korean people died of starvation, he kidnapped a pizza chef and forced him to make him pizzas for 5 years. He wrote and starred in several films, including one in which he defeated a Godzilla-like creature. When he died last year, the world got 30% less crazy.

Rafael Trujillo

This notorious dictator of the Dominican Republic was possibly even crazier than Kim Jong-Il. He rose to power in a coup in 1930 with the help of the U.S. We thought he'd be a good buffer against communism. FDR once said of him, "He's a son of a bitch, but he's our son of a bitch." Little did we know how nuts he was. He changed the name of the D.R.'s capital from Santo Domingo to Ciudad Trujillo. He set up sex dungeons all over the island where he would rape and torture any woman he took a shine to. He changed the country's motto to: "Trujillo en la Tierra, y Dios en el cielo" or "Trujillo on Earth and God in Heaven." He put himself before friggin' GOD!  Then in 1961, someone shot him in the face. Ha.

Nicolae Ceau?escu

Speaking of personality cults, 'ol Nicolae was one of the worst. The communist dictator of Romania brutally ruled the country for 30 years. He cultivated a cult-like following that he forced the media to enforce. The biggest holiday of the year was his birthday, he erected thousands of statues of himself, and had people call him "The Leader" and "The Genius of the Carpathians". Though he was 80 when he died, no one could show his image past age 45. He employed Hollywood special effects guys to do his makeup to keep him looking young. When a TV producer showed footage of him blinking too much, Ceau?escu threw him in prison for life.

Vlad The Impaler

Another Romanian psychopath. Vlad was the basis for Bram Stoker's Dracula, only Stoker had to tone him down. Let me repeat that, he had to tone down how evil Vlad was to make Dracula. Vlad was famous for impalement, driving large wooden stakes through the anus and out of the necks of his enemies and leaving them for days to die. He not only killed his Turkish foes but also his own people. He once had the hats of some local lords nailed to their heads when they didn't remove them in his presence. He was known to dip his bread in the blood of his victims, hence the vampire thing. Though he was one of history's great monsters, he did have an awesome mustache.

Saddam Hussein

Speaking of mustaches, we can't not mention Saddam Hussein. Cohen's Aladeen is based loosely on America's favorite Iraqi thug. He rose to power by killing his opponents, sometimes personally. When he took over, he declared that he was the reincarnation of the ancient Persian king Nebuchadnezzar. He believed that it was his mission to rule over a new Persian empire, hence why he fought a costly war with Iran for ten years. Saddam was a master sadist, inventing new and horrible ways to kill people. For example, he personally designed a torture chamber in which a sprinkler system in the ceiling would drip acid on victims from different spots. So, not only was the person at risk for acid burns, they also couldn't sleep. That's a special kind of crazy.

Article By Jack Tomas >

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