Michael Garcia - August 5, 2016
Scientists at Oxford University were disappointed when hundreds of samples of purported Bigfoot DNA turned out to just be a bunch of squirrel hair. Some sciency dudes over at Oxford and Lausanne Museum of Zoology issued a worldwide call for people to send in samples of what they believed to be bigfoot DNA. The result was hundreds of hair samples that people had collected from such far off places as Bhutan and Bumfart Arkansas. The result was all the same: animal hair. Apparently, bears, raccoons, squirrels, and other varmints also leave hair samples in the forest. Those bastards. The scientists were clearly disappointed as they thought they had a real chance of discovering the illusive Yeti. Oxford's Brian Sykes said,
"I thought there was about a 5 percent chance of finding a sample from a Neanderthal or (a Yeti). The fact that none of these samples turned out to be (a Yeti) doesn't mean the next one won't."
Unless, of course, Bigfoot turns out to be just some drunk redneck in a gorilla costume.
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