Jourdan Dunn, Lily Collins, Amber Heard Attend the Stuart Weitzman W Magazine Party

Let's begin by stating how jealous I am. I couldn't get on of these fine women to attend my shoe party. Granted, my shoe party involves me smelling the shoes of the wicked hot guests I invited back to my abode, which could be the reason they never show up in the first place. W magazine has perhaps a more legitimate draw when they put on a designer shoe party. Bringing in the likes of Eiza Gonzalez, Lily Collins, Jourdan Dunn, Amber Heard and more sextastic tall and passion inducing women decked out to play pretend.

The season of Hollywood self-adulation is upon us. Which means tons of parties of the highest guest list and all dressed up and ready to show off the hard gym work. This is a time to both mock Hollywood for its lavish love affair with itself, but also admit it's a United Nations of Hotness that exists nowhere else in the universe. So, this silver lining is going to make you tingle. I'd kill any of you for five minutes alone in an empty hot tub with any of these women. I'll make it quick, before you even know it happened. I'm talking about my time with the ladies now. Enjoy.

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