Happy Birthday: Khloe Kardashian’s Sexiest Photos To Celebrate Her 34th

I am an American. And as an American I am morally opposed to putting accents on any word. I simply do not like it. It is like admitting the English language has shortcomings and we need other languages to come in and help us out. That is not how our relationship with the world works. We give aid, we do not receive it. (Please note that I said aid and not AIDS. That is an important distinction.) But because it is her birthday, I am willing to make an exception.

So, Khloé, happy birthday. This may not mean much to you since you are probably used to being gifts that are seen in Lexus Christmas commercials, but it is the best that I can do. And I hope you appreciate it because I had to drink a fifth of whiskey in order to numb myself enough to do type that.

Unfortunately, the fifth was not enough and it still hurt like hell. My brother is already threatening to revoke my man card and my niece has started calling me Sally. This had brought me pain that I thought I would only experience in my nightmares.

[Check Out Khloe Kardashian's Life And Times The Other 364 Days Of The Year]

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