Lex Jurgen - May 1, 2017
There are only two types of billionaires received favorably by the masses. The eccentric sports team owners who bring home trophies and Warren Buffett. Bill Gates has saved millions of lives in Africa, but hasn't put out a decent Windows since '98 so what have you done for me lately?
Mark Zuckerberg is working the trifecta of limousine progressives. Espousing immigrants rights to ensure cheap employee labor, highlighting his new charitable foundation that largely serves as a tax dodge, and conducting a listening tour across America. Zuckerberg has vowed to visit all fifty states to see how real people really live. It's hard to completely get the feel of Missouri in a sixty minute photo op at a Waffle Shop, but it's pretty close. It truly humbled Hillary.
Circling Ohio in his fleet of luxury zeppelins, Zuckerberg tasked his staff with finding a Buckeye family that voted Obama in '12 but for Trump this past election. Not a simple job, unless you happen to be in the business of methodically collecting and selling information on every person on this planet. That led Zuckerberg to drop in on the Moore family of Newton Falls, Ohio. It's like winning the lotto when a rich nerd in a gray t-shirt shows up at your door asking to listen to your concerns over a pot roast he absolutely will assure you looks delicious but he's a pescatarian.
Zuckerberg asked the family about their favorite charity, which turned out to be a Christian orphanage in Uganda not yet emptied out by Hollywood lesbian adoptions. Zuckerberg promised to hold a fundraiser for the charity. Just like that. Praise Jesus. It earned him this passionate review from the Moore family:
“He cares very much about family and about community. And he’s taking steps to do a lot of very positive things with his money.”
Things you never would've known if Zuckerberg hadn't dropped in for an epic dinner selfie. Earlier in the week, the Facebook founder ate ribs with a fire department in Indiana. Did they get a new rec room? Wait for the official comment from the firemen about Zuckerberg's endless support of first responders. That means the firehouse ping-pong tourney is on.
This is what happens when you badger elitists on the coasts that they have no idea what goes on in flyover country. They might start showing up. Elections have consequences. This is clearly the worst.
Photo credit: Mark Zuckergerg/Facebook
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