Yale And The Case Of The Phantom Pooper

Yale University is the last place that you expect a feces fiend but it seems that someone is dropping deuces in the dryers. Students at the Ivy League school have gotten more than fluffy dry sheets on laundry day. There have been four incidents in which someone has either pooped directly into a dryer or placed some dookie inside. Students have taken to displaying the crappy clothes on clotheslines to prompt the school to take further action. Yale officials are baffled and aren't sure who is doing it or why. What they do know is that it's shaken the students up more than one of Skull and Bones' Satanic Bar-B-Q/orgies. One student whose clothes were both peed and pooped on said, "I simultaneously wanted to throw up, cry and punch someone." Indeed.

The Poopatrator, (their word not mine), is playing a dangerous game. He's leaving DNA with each bit of caca he leaves behind. People at Yale are pretty smart and they have the money a facilities to track him down CSI style. I'd suggest that the Phantom Pooper, (my name for him), move to a community college. Those people couldn't catch him if he was pinching a loaf on their forehead. Who can Yale find to help them discover the truth?