Wonderfully Horrible Netflix Instant Films: “Ghoulies”

Certain images from childhood stay with you into adulthood. One of those, for me, was the poster for 1985's Ghoulies. It features a little rubber monster popping out of a toilet. That image f#@king terrified me. I was scared to poop because I was afraid a little ghoul was going to bite my huevos rancheros. My mom wouldn't let me watch Ghoulies, of course, but luckily I had irresponsible older cousins that would. This only increased my paranoia about commode monsters. My grandfather sat me down and explained to me that Ghoulies was just a really terrible movie and that there were no monsters in the toilet. The only thing that needed to be flushed was this movie.

The film stars a bunch of no name actors that were never seen again. A d-bag named Jonathan has some friends over to his late father's house for a weekend of lame 80's partying. Then, just for fun, he talks them in to taking part in a demonic ceremony in his dad's old Satanic temple. He manages to summon demons, but they are little stupid looking rubber puppet demons not cool Exorcist or Biblical demons. Slowly, (the movie's pacing is like a gaggle of grandmas walking through molasses), the ghoulies start killing all of Jonathan's friends. His father even comes out of the grave to give him a stern talking to. Then they have to send the ghoulies back to where they, blah, blah, blah, who cares. Ghoulies in toilets and boobs!

Ghoulies is a film that tried to capitalize on two hugely popular things in the 80's: Gremlins and Satanism. Gremlins had been ridiculously successful the year before, so naturally there was going to be knock-offs. Satanism was also popular as 1985 was in the midst of the Satanic panic of the 1980's where Americans were convinced covens of Satanists wanted to abuse their kids. So, the filmmakers of Ghoulies figured that all they needed to make a lucrative movie were some badly made rubber puppets covered in faux mucus and psuedo-occult mumbo jumbo. Wrong. Ghoulies fails on every possible level. It's in no way scary but it's not funny either, at least, not intentionally funny. The puppetry is awful, the acting is even worse, and I doubt there even was a script. Still, it's that unintentional humor that makes this movie worth watching. And there were inexplicably three sequels! So, get drunk, (really drunk), with some friends and watch Ghoulies this weekend. Just make sure you look before you sit down to take a crap.