Why You Absolutely Must Buy Dead or Alive 5, From the Series’ Bodacious Boobtastic Themselves

Dead or Alive 5 is contriving an eclectic extravaganza of chesticle-infused, jiggletacularly theatrical combat for our delectation. It will arrive worldwide this week, with the inaugural stop on its trouser-troubling raunch-cruise being North America tomorrow. There will be wanton womenfolk displaying gymnastic capabilities unhampered by their excessive endowments (merrily kicking the laws of physics in the mansack, as is the wont of creators Team Ninja) therein, and alleged garment-ry that becomes more transparent as each sweaty bout persists.

Which, in the milieu of leerable ladyfolk that don't exist, is sufficient justification to pound the windows of your local video game emporium, howling I WANT BOOBAGE! until the glass erupts in a shattered, blood-leaking mess. (You'd certainly have right on your side. Nobody could criticize you for doing so, the police notwithstanding.) For further convincing, peruse the counsel of the voluptuous vixens of Dead or Alive above. They do revel in piss-takery, alas, and so some of it may be horsecrap.