When Will The Freaking ‘Pokemon Go’ Madness End?

  You may have heard of a lil’ thing called Pokemon Go. By which I mean, you’ve probably narrowly avoided wandering into the path of a speeding SUV because you’re staring at your cell phone. Goddamn, Pokemon Go is a phenomenon. People have missed stops on the subway, walked off of cliffs, been run down, sold their accounts like assholes… the world has gone mad.  

Just yesterday, I saw a huge burly tattooed guy with abs on the abs on his abs, and more piercings than all the world’s metal band members combined, do a happy little dance in the street because he’d caught a Pikachu. This was an actual thing that happened. That’s the kind of dark sorcerer’s magic that Pokemon Go has unleashed on the world.

This is something different, though. Generally, when some unfortunate motorist has to scrape flecks of crushed Pokemon hunter’s scrote off the wheels of his truck, it’s the player’s damn fault. I don’t care how rare that Dragonite you’ve got in your sights is, you’ve got to be pay freaking attention to the roads. But to use common sense like this is to underestimate the power of Go.

Down Germany way, near Dusseldorf, the Girardet bridge is busy with traffic, pedestrians and players. There are Pokestops (where players can grab in-game supplies) at both ends, Kotaku reports, which draw huge crowds of people using the shitstorm-successful app. So what to do? The sensible-ass thing, and put up warnings telling players to put their damn phones away while they’re near roads? Nope. Nuts to that. Let’s ban the cars instead:

‘With the crowds becoming too large for cars to pass safely...  the Mayor has transport officials on-hand to close the bridge to traffic whenever necessary, leaving Pokémon Go players safe to do their thing. Authorities have also brought in portable toilets and extra garbage bins to cater for the influx of extra people in the area.’

There are also bus tours that take in the local pokemon-catching hotspots, apparently. Damn, Germans like themselves some pokemon.