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When Committing A Burglary, Don’t Rape The Mannequins

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bill-swift - February 5, 2014

In today's day and age of forensic CSI police work you want to leave as little physical evidence behind at a crime scene as possible. All it takes is a hair or a skin cell and the cops have got enough DNA evidence to put you away. That's why the actions of this burglar in Brazil make no sense...well...one of the reasons. The man broke into a shopping center in Brazil for what appeared to be a run of the mill robbery. That was until his eyes beheld a headless, armless, legless mannequin. The burglar then proceeded to stroke and kiss the mannequin's body. He then tossed it down and began to fap over it. After he was done, he walked away and stole one lingering glance back at the mannequin before proceeding with the robbery. He was caught when he came back the next night, probably to assault her again. The cops had plenty of evidence with which to arrest him.

I blame the movie Mannequin with Andrew McCarthy and Kim Cattrall for this. Their star crossed Pygmalion-like love story made falling in love with a store mannequin seem unbelievably romantic. They just got Mannequin in this part of Brazil last year so it was fresh on his mind. At least in the movie Mannequin the sex was consensual. There is no excuse for sexually assaulting an innocent mannequin that was just minding its own business in the back of the warehouse. Until these kinds of senseless acts of mannequin rape come to an end, justice will not be served. Who will speak for the headless, armless, legless hunks of plastic? I will...I will.

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