bill-swift - February 16, 2012
Mirror, mirror on the wall will Peyton Manning play in the fall? If only it was that easy to get the most anticipated question in professional football answered.
Alas, it is not, but at least on the way fans and haters alike can be treated to tons of speculation, lots of gibberish from the talking heads on television, and some crazy scenarios from bloggers everywhere. After all, with the Super Bowl done and the draft a couple of months away what else is there to talk about in the world of football?
If only it was as simple as asking a magic mirror, gazing into a crystal ball, or hopping into the world's coolest DeLorean to find out what the future holds. If we could, it could mean some money in Vegas.
The best odds are on retirement or the Miami Dolphins (isn't that the same thing?); bet $100 and you'll win $250. Beyond the Dolphins the odds makers see him heading to the Redskins, returning to Indianapolis, or going to the Jets. If you really feel like gambling put your money on the Houston Texans where a $100 will get you $7500 (you never know…).
One crazy rumor that has been making the rounds is that Irsay may consider holding on to him just to keep other teams from utilizing him (and beating his Colts next season).
The smart money is on retirement. The man has had his neck worked on three times in less than two years people! His arm being compared to a noodle recently is not encouraging; supposedly he can't pass to well to his left either. There have been quarterbacks that were worse in the NFL though…
We can't forget the one factor that can kill any good/promising athletic career—marriage and kids—and Peyton is the proud poppa of a pair of rugrats now. Ask anyone that's married if their wife would let them risk a serious injury in order to play a game and see what they say.
So what else could be in store for the elder Manning? After jumping into my DeLorean, these are some of the options I've come up with:
Peyton partners with Raman Noodles to make ‘Noodle Arms,' tasty noodles in the shape of Peyton's arm. Commercials will feature Peyton short arming passes to a youth league team while Chad Pennington watches eating ‘Noodle Arms.'
Peyton joins his old coach Tony Dungy on the set of Sunday Night Football, but gets fired after he screams at Dungy during a live broadcast," Why did you have to quit? We could have won another one!"
Jim Irsay realizes that his team will be popular as long as Peyton is on it so he replaces the horseshoe logo with an image of Peyton.
Peyton follows in the footsteps of other great athletes turned actors like Lawrence Taylor, O.J. Simpson, Dennis Rodman, Alex Karras (Mongo!), and Shaquille O'Neal. Stay classy Indianapolis.
Peyton teams up with Indianapolis's favorite Survivor, Rupert Boneham, and makes a run for the Governor's mansion with an eye on a White House run in 2016.
Peyton takes a pay cut, returns to the Colts, but them quits after he throws his first touchdown of the season (No 400 for his career). Rumors circulate afterwards that he had become obsessed with the Bernie Mac movie Mr. 3000 during rehab.
Now that Peyton and Irsay have finally quit talking to the media the rest of us are clueless (unless you follow Irsay on Twitter and can translate his ramblings). Then again, we could just ask Rob Lowe what's going on.
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