Weird Crap Sold On Coupon Sites: Vibrating Panties With Wireless Remote Control

You know when you come home late from work after a long hard day and you just want to relax at home. You slip out of your work clothes and slip on a pair of vibrating panties. Then you power up the remote control, because manually operating underwear is for suckers, and you turn it to 11. No? You don't know what that's like? Well, then obviously you don't own a pair of Vibrating Panties with Wireless Remote Control. Lucky for you they are available here on Groupon. The product description says,

"Low-rise thong's hidden, whisper-quiet micro bullet discreetly stimulates wearers with 20 pulsation patterns, such as flutter and throb."

My question is whether or not you need 20 different pulsation patterns? Who has time to go through that many permutations of vibration to find one you like? I also think it's a bad idea to have this underwear on and leave the remote laying around. Then your roommate comes home and goes to turn on Glee or whatever and ZAP right to the crotch. Think people.