Tom Hiddleston Learns the Fate of All Taylor Swift Lovers

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hashim-r-hathaway - September 7, 2016

It was a matter of time, but the day is finally here as the (some say) unholy union between actor Tom Hiddleston and queen of all she surveys (non-Beyonce division) Taylor Swift has come to it's preordained end. 

Luckily for Loki, three months was long enough for Taylor to mine enough material for new song lyrics, while not long enough for him to lose his mortal soul, so I suppose he's got that going for him, which is nice. I do wonder, however, what it is about Taylor's milkshake that keeps the boys coming to the yard even though each of them have to know that they're a short-timer at best. 

Is there a waiting room and a pamphlet for all prospective Taylor Daters (that seems like that should be trademarked)? Do you have a counselor walk you through the steps of what will happen and how to process it without falling into complete insanity?

But the best part about this breakup, for us anyway, is that she reportedly left him because he might be a little bit of a starf*cker, according to the Daily Mail:

'Tom's need for their relationship to be so public so quickly makes her uncomfortable,' an insider told
'She tried to be OK with it in the beginning but fears he is in love with the idea of her and not falling in love with her for the right reasons.'

The source added: 'Taylor is an independent young woman and doesn't feel like she needs a boyfriend to make her complete.' 

We've been used to Taylor being the victim for so long that seeing her as the one with the ax feels like something altogether different, even if it's not her first rodeo, just ask Calvin Harris, who has to be somewhere cackling with the sort of delight that only a vindicated man can muster.

As Loki skulks back to Asgard, tail between his legs, in the wake of a breakup he never wanted, the only advice worth offering comes in the form of a classic Hall and Oates lyric:

"Watch out boy, she'll chew you up."

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

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