Today In Internet Insanity: Nicki Minaj – Demon Possessed Illuminati Agent

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bill-swift - June 13, 2013

In this new feature I scour the Internet's darkest paranoid corners in order to find the craziest of the crazy crackpot ideas and conspiracy theories. Today I want to tell you about a video produced by a guy calling himself The Vigilant Christian, (Cue "Da-Dum-Dum!" stinger). What is he so vigilant about? Spotting Satan's evil Illuminati agents in the media, of course! In this 11 minute diatribe he explains how crappy singer and snazzy dresser Nicki Minaj is possessed by demons and works as an agent of the evil Illuminati that secretly run the world. She spreads the Satanic cabal's insidious agenda through her catchy dance pop tunes and as a judge on American Idol. Well, yeah! Thanks for stating the obvious, Vigilant Christian.

These are common tropes in the world of modern baby eating crazy conspiracy theories. A popular entertainer that acts a little weird, (or a lot friggin' weird in her case), makes folks like the Vigilant Christian very uncomfortable. Jay-Z is a common target for their bile because, I guess, he has 99 problems and being an agent of Satan is one. The fact that they are also Black and that Vigilant Christian's lily white kids are listening to them probably also plays a role. Although, to be fair, if someone was going to be possessed by Satan, it would probably be Nicki Minaj. That chick is weird, like for realsies. The main reason I think she isn't a vessel for Beelzebub is that it's too obvious. Lucifer is much more subtle than that. He would possess someone you wouldn't expect like Joni Mitchell or that one guy from The Big Band Theory. So, I doubt she is an evil minion of the Dark Lord. She's just a crappy singer.

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