The Time’s Up Avatar Resembles Sagging Breasts

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Lex Jurgen - January 9, 2018

Hashtags were invented so that any modicum of independent intelligence could be removed from social media posting. You don't even have to repeat what the idiot before you said in 140 characters. Merely pound sign and the kitschy cause name somebody proudly invented from their Customer Service cubicle.

Women are especially poor at coming up with names. It's why all pets cats have one of four or five names. They invent cause and hashtag names like they're sipping white wine with gal pals and fantasizing about the adorable stationery store they're going to open together. The Paper Caper. Clara's Collectibles. The Write Stuff. Nomenclature whose significance lies entirely in its cuteness and pun score. Weed dispensaries do the same, but at least once you get inside they have weed. Where do men get their stationery? Office Max. Like a god damn anvil.

The Privileged White Women of Hollywood chose Time's Up for their hear and now stand against disturbingly gross men they blew to out-maneuver one another for jobs early in their career. While the original name, the Commission Against Sexual Harassment and Equality in the Workplace, or CASHEW, lacked easy name branding, there's something to be said for having a legal sounding name when you're pretending there's legal merit to your social cause. The Federal Trade Commission sounds like a body that does something. I worked there once, it doesn't do shit, but it sounds like it does. If it were called, BizzyBodies, far less fearsome.

Time's Up inherently implies a threat. Maybe that was intended, though you'd think not. It's something a villain says in a story. Time's up, Mr. Bond. Followed by some kind of button being pushed to destroy a city. What will Meryl Streep do exactly if producers don't stop trying to bang ingenues and ingenues don't agree on account of what's waiting for them back in Bismarck isn't much better? Laser Musso & Frank Grill during a big shot producer dinner? A real Sophie's Choice there.

Inane organization and cause names lead to inane ideas. Like a bunch of super wealthy white chicks wearing only black Versace and Vera Wang gowns to the Globes. Or toting along equally black activists and pretending that's good visuals.

Time's Up couldn't even get their hashtag avatar right on Twitter. I don't have the eyes of a 20-year old, but first glance, I thought it was a pair of sagging breasts in a red bikini. Perhaps maybe an advert for a Hedonism resort for the Over 50 adventurers. Are they plums? With a tail? WTF is that logo. Go on, say scale. Then it makes even less sense.

The Time's Up movement lacks qualified leadership. They should consider bringing on somebody less well versed in Pilates and coffee enemas, and perhaps with actual work experience in the field of marketing. It's a fake field as it is, but not so fake they don't know shitty logos when they see them. I wouldn't recommend anybody by name, but a man comes to mind. It's time to Office Max this cause.

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