chris-littlechild - June 27, 2014
Don't worry, it's not as crazy-ass as it sounds. Well, if we're being honest, it's exactly as crazy-ass as it sounds. Buckle up, gentlemen, Toylets is coming.
Now, there are some things that just aren't sexy. Not even Horny McHornson, the horniest horndog in Horntown, Hornville, could get his fap on right here. One of these things --except in George Michael's case, natch-- is taking a pee in the men's room. You know how it is. You're all desperately averting your eyes, in case someone gets the impression you're admiring their swing-a-majig, someone's shat in the wastebin again, it's all just not arousing at all.
Nevertheless, we can always rely on our friends in Japan to try and find the cheeky funtimes in everything. Case in point: this little slice of madness. We probably can't call it a video game per se, but eff it, we're going to. The ladies love a rebel, after all.
Yep, this odd little venture from Sega brings two of our favorite pastimes together: ogling ladies, and taking a big ol' piss. Reports of this emerged a year or two ago, and were a great opportunity for puntastic headlines. Y'know, like Macho Urinal Game Makes Splash in Japan, and a couple of other splash-based witticisms.
Anywho, Toylets comprised all kinds of brief games, designed with the purpose of ‘...encouraging men to take part in a series of contests by varying the strength and direction of their urine.' (-Telegraph) That's strength, gentlemen. This is hardcore, right here. You can just smell the testosterone. And the piss.
Said contests include the charming Mannekin Pis and Graffiti Eraser, the second of which demands a lot of ‘aiming' and 'pointing' of 'hoses' which we really don't want to go into. Most interesting is the artfully named The Northern Wind, the Sun and Me, in which you must blow a woman's skirt up and ogle her undercrackers. Apparently, the wind or hose or whatever detects your peeing power, and so blows or sprays harder as you... spray harder.
You want a good look at a tiny, fictional lady's panties? Then you'll have to piss like a goddamn marine.
According to The Telegraph, it's all a cunning ploy to make you play closer attention to the commercials that the games bombard you with. It's the same insidious plot television uses. A little harmless (if effing crazy) fun it may be, but the message is the same: buy our crap. Nothing ever changes.
Well, it's more of a Okay, you can pee wind up a lady's hindquarters somehow, butthen buy our crap.
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