chris-littlechild - January 10, 2014
In honor of our New Years resolution to be more piss-takey (it was either that or ‘call mom more often,' and eff that; she's been far too judgmental ever since she saw Professional Boob-Ogler in the 'Job' box of our Facebook profile), feast your eyes, ears and asses on The Weekly WTF.
Here, we'll be delving back into the annals of video games for the weirdest and wackiest specimens. Such as, for instance, Communist Mutants From Space.
The first thing you'll notice? This, right here, is the most shit-tacular title since ballache director Ed Wood's Grave Robbers From Outer Space. Which was as crazy-ass as it was plain ass. So, y'know, expectations aren't too high for this one.
Communist Mutants From Space is a Space Invaders-esque shoot-em-up from 1982. These ripoffs were every-damn-where in this era, but this one is an unparalleled technical achievement. Yes indeed. It was such a ball busting, bowel loosening wonder that it had to make use of the Atari 2600‘s Starpath Supercharger accessory. Still, as 'supercharged' as it may have been, let's remember that the Atari would be outperformed by one of those milk cartons with computer chips in nowadays.
But hey, Starpath Supercharger is probably the most badass name ever given to a nerdly gaming peripheral, so let's allow them their delusions.
Anywho, gameplay is a little more complex than that of Space Invaders. To take out said mutants, you'll have to dispatch the Mother Creature first. This angry mofo hatches minions from the top of the screen, like a far more dickish version of that bonus points ship that would cruise along the top in Invaders. As such, you can't advance to the next stage without defeating it, or it will keep crapping out new enemies onto your face forever.
The regular mutants may be tedious rectangles, but they're tedious rectangles with a sense of style. They come in orange, blue, green and mantastic pink varieties. Should any of these fashionable bastards hit you with a bomb, your cannon will be destroyed, and you will switch to a reserve. These are replenished as you complete waves, and it's all basically a fancier-sounding lives system.
Communist Mutants From Space is an obscure oddity, and a product of the Cold War. Remember Punch-Out!!'s Vodka Drunkenski? That's the level of wit and questionable racial stereotyping we're talking here. The Mother Creature's bloodlust is fueled by a dodgy batch of radioactive vodka, and her home planet is named ‘Rooskee.' So... yes.
Finally, to prove this really is an actual thing that exists, behold:
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