bill-swift - May 23, 2014
Video games used to be about fun. About a harmless, entertaining distraction. How things have changed. Today, our win ratios and K/Ds and such are highly prized, almost as though prospective employers will have any shits to give about your Call of Duty sniping proficiency.
"â€˜A kill streak of 45 one time', you say? This is all highly impressive. We've a couple more candidates to see, but rest assured, you'll be a fine addition to the ranks here at McDonalds."
Anywho, our point --because we do have one; hold on to your balls, here it comes now-- is that this manner of serious competition isn't always what you want. Sometimes in games you want to kick back, switch off your brain-muscle, and have some good ol' fashioned fun. With Mario, perhaps, or by... helping a sweaty studly bald dude in speedos take out some angry aliens. While merrily crotch-thrusting until his crotch can be thrusted no more.
Gentlemen, meet Cho Aniki.
This 1992 Turbografx-16 release is a product of Japan through and through. Who else would have the balls of steel required to bring us this sort of madness? It's the tale of Bo Emperor Bill, winner of the Great Galaxy Bodybuilding Contest for ten years running. With his supply of protein supplements diminished, he invades every effing planet within reach so as to build protein factories. Yep, nothing screwy so far.
So yes, a big ol' bulging bastard's biceps hang in the balance, and he's not effing around. His private army of... muscular nudists has been deployed, and who can defend the universe from them? A couple more pec-tastic dudes, naturally. Who have also misplaced their pants, naturally.
It's as logical a premise as any for a sidescrolly, arcadey shooter. The setup itself is fairly conventional: you choose from one of two characters, both of whom differ slightly in abilities. You cruise along the obligatory space-themed environments, blasting at minions. You arrive at the boss battle, memorize its pattern, and kick its ass too. Y'know, all the genre's familiar trappings.
In this case, though, you'll have to excuse the player character's â€˜Man Beam,' the boss with the huge metal cannon-dick and the disturbing erotic cut scenes.
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