The Phantom Pooper Has Been Caught

Fox 2 News Headlines

We can all sleep easier tonight knowing that the fiend known as the Ypsilanti pooper has been arrested. I told you the tale of one of the greatest mysteries of our time after residents in Ypsilanti, Michigan were terrorized by some dastardly foe who would drop dueces on slides at local parks. The local authorities launched a media campaign to uncover the identity of this defecating monster by sticking up billboards around town that read "Help us flush the pooper"; "Do your civic doody. Report the pooper"; and "Help us catch the poopetrator." It eventually paid off after some brave citizen risked fecal retaliation and turned the phantom pooper in. No word yet on the identity of this $hithead has been released yet.

There are a lot of things that a community will put up with but a man crapping on children's playground equipment isn't one of them. What kind of world would we live in if people turned a blind eye to someone pinching out Cleveland steamers on slides? Not the kind of world I want to live in, I'll tell you that!