The Musical “Cats” Is About To Get Worse

It is a scientific fact that Cats is the worst musical of all time. No, it's the worse thing that's ever been performed on stage. No, it's one of the worst things that's ever happened in human history. Like, top 5. As far as crimes against humanity goes, Andrew Lloyd Webber is up there with mass murderers and warlords. But he's somehow managed to figure out a way to make Cats even worse: HE'S ADDED A RAP SONG. Or, more precisely, what Andrew Lloyd Webber thinks is a rap song. As an article on Jezebel explains,

"Lloyd Webber said he was making the character of Rum Tum Tugger a rapping street cat because "I've come to the conclusion that ... maybe Eliot was the inventor of rap."

No. No. No. Rum Tum Tugger and his pals had nothing to do with invention of rap. It came up from the mean streets of the Bronx in the late 1970's. It's about the realities of life in the ghetto, (or songs about diamond watches these days), not about dancing f#@king people in cat suits. Cats in general and this news in particular make me want to hit Webber in the head with a hammer.