The Manly Mascot Melee: Mario Vs Sonic, Whose Side Are/Were You On?

In the early nineties, the conflict was protracted and vindictive. The Nintendo/Sega, Mario/Sonic disparity could cleft friendships asunder, get you kicked in the mansack during recess, and exclude you from the invitation to Billy's house after school to leer at those Playboys he'd found in his dad's closet.

"Hair... down there?SHIT IN MY GRANDMOTHER'S MOUTH!" proclaimed Billy(‘s dad).

You championed the cause of one over the other (unless, naturellement, you were Macaulay Culkin's eponymous movie ballache Richie Rich; and no one liked that kid. He needed his nuts in a vice), and sexuality was questioned, mothers' weight callously mocked and other such cruelty abound where allegiances differed.

The pertinent question, then: who was right? After a decade or two of extensive science and gleeful piss-taking mockery, Egotastic! has the (less-than-definitive) answer. Hit the gallery to learn the truth about which of these mascots is the manliest, in a mano-a-mano melee of masculinity.