The First Trailer for ‘Fifty Shades Freed’ Arrives (VIDEO)

If you've been dragged to see Fifty Shades of Grey and Fifty Shades Darker, I guarantee you're getting dragged to Fifty Shades Freed next February. The overwhelming question I had coming out of both of those films is why not just go for it? The reason these books are so popular is because they just come right out and talk dirty to these women. Put something dirty in these movies, show his junk in all its glory, show him going down on her, show something to these women who have devotedly paid for the privilege time and again.

Otherwise these films are just two hour teases. Two hours of talking a girl up in a bar, and just when you get ready to go in for the kill, her boyfriend comes out of the john and goes, "Come on babe, we've gotta get over to Josh's place, they're having a yacht rock party." You just know that they're gonna play "Escape (The Pina Colada Song)" at that party and you know damn well that's not a yacht rock song, and there's gonna be twelve bros in striped shirts with captain's hats on, and you're gonna shake your head and wonder why you decided to stalk this girl all the way to this party.

Fifty Shades Freed hits theaters on Valentine's Day.