The Eyeforcer Is Here To Stop Gamers’ Damn Slouching

  Everyone’s so dependent on their fancy-ass tech these days. You know those snarky pictures of trees that do the rounds on Facebook? ‘If only these things gave us wifi, instead of just the air we breathe, we’d take better care of them’? That’s not too far from today’s attitude, right there. For people today, there are five horsemen of the apocalypse: War, Plague, Famine, Pestilence and Briefly Losing Broadband Connection And Having To Haul Your Lazy Ass Into The Next Room To Restart The Router. And they’re only assed about the last one.  

What is all this techtastic doing to us? Are we all becoming social media-obsessed, impotent (cell phone radiation from keeping it in your pocket) lazyasses? Well, yes. Yes we are. Fear not though, Ego-gents. Like alcohol, technology is great at fixing as many problems as it causes. Meet the Eyeforcer.

This Kickstarter gem, Destructoid reports, ‘is a set of eyeglasses that don't have frames in them, and they appear to use a gyroscope to check the angle a child is holding their head at while using a tablet or other handheld device. If the glasses detect that the wearer is slouching or has their head down for more than a second, it pushes a warning to the device, and the parent can decide how many warnings the child gets before the device shuts off entirely.’

It sounds a little harsh, but you’d be amazed how many issues bad posture can cause. Including some that were completely effing made up in the Eyeforcer ad to sell the thing, like ‘Tech Neck’ or ‘Game Boy Disease’.

Now, sure, I get a sore neck on occasion after spending too much quality time with my laptop. I’m not quite convinced about this though. Is there an adult’s version that sends a powerful electric shock to your gonads whenever you slouch, rather than tattling to ma and pa?