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That Upcoming ‘Tetris’ Movie Continues To Boggle Our Damn Minds

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chris-littlechild - June 29, 2016

  Now, you don’t eff with Tetris. Of course you don’t. This is the best-selling and most popular video game of all damn time, right here, and it’s going nowhere. Remember when Busted famously went to the year 3000? They found those women with three tits, and no doubt they were still playing freaking Tetris. The game will never die.  

All of that said, though, even the most hardened Tetris groupies have to admit the game’s shortcomings. If you’re looking for an intense, plot-driven experience, with a couple double agents and Da Vinci Code-style twists everywhere, Tetris isn’t for you. This is one from the nuts-to-story-gameplay-is-all-you-need school of gaming, which is all well and good for a puzzler.

But hey, sometimes the utterly batshit ideas are just right in front of you. We saw a real doozy a couple months back: Tetris as an epic sci-fi movie trilogy. This wasn’t an April fools or other snarky joke, this is an actual thing that’s happening. Not only that, but the dude at the helm promises it’s going to be freaking amazing.

Speaking to Empire Online, Larry Kasanoff dropped a couple cryptic –and smartass—hints about what we can expect. First up, he explains that this totally had to be a trilogy, ‘purely because the story we conceived is so big. This isn’t us splitting the last one of our eight movies in two to wring blood out of the stone. It’s just a big story… We want the story to be a surprise, but it’s a big science-fiction movie.’

Our ol’ buddy Kasanoff is onto something big, right here. I’m almost losing bowel control just thinking about it. Particularly after he went on, ‘I guarantee you it’s not what you think. No-one has come remotely close to figuring out what we’re doing.’

I can’t even imagine. One thing’s for sure though, it’ll be a better sci-fi trilogy than Star Wars episodes 1-3.

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