Sam Robeson - March 19, 2018
In the words of an ugly Canadian - Thank you disillusionment, Thank you frailty, Thank you consequence. Lena Dunham's Ex Jack Antonoff is a Brooklyn hipster body positive gender neutral semi-man piece of shit, and would never buy into labels or date someone based on their looks. It's what's on the inside that counts. And since Dunham's insides are probably comparable to Oogie Boogie's, we know that Antonoff is just a very accepting amazing man. Our flaws are what make us beautiful okay people. Antonoff would never date a chick based on looks. That's so plastic and Hollywood and just wrong.
JK! As we previously discussed in detail, Dunham's success as a Louie Anderson cosplayer hinged on the believability that at the end of a busy day of slamming the h8ers, Dunham always had a decent-looking man to call her own. The world had to believe that deep down Dunham possessed some redeeming qualities and hypothetically was getting laid, and this allowed her to test the limits of unlikeability under the public eye. But one day Antonoff woke up and realized he was having sex with a Pillsbury crescent roll and called it quits. Instead of moving on to someone with a tight mind and big juicy beautiful brain, Antonoff moved on to dating bangable model Carlotta Kohl. With a name like Carlotta it has to be good.
The two were recently spotted together at a New York Knicks basketball game (toxic masculinity and male privilege much?) and were also caught hanging out as far back as January of 2018. Lena Dunham's FUPA has not yet returned our request for comment.
Photo Credit: Carlotta Kohl, the butt from the cover of St. Vincent's MASSEDUCTION from Instagram / Pacific Coast News