bill-swift - March 21, 2012
We all have secrets. Dark truths that we hide away from others, our own private shame. All of us have embarrassing movies we absolutely LOVE. Don't try and deny it! We are a safe space here at Egotastic. Perhaps you hide the fact that you watch Dirty Dancing 2 every Saturday night from a new boyfriend. Maybe you are too scared to tell your poker buddies about your passion for Air Bud and all of its straight to video releases. It's time for we as a society to stand up for people's rights to watch really really bad movies. Who are you to judge whether or not I enjoy watching Breakin 2: Electric Boogaloo with all the lights off? So, I'll start things off by admitting my secret crappy film favorites.
Yes, I watch this every time it's on TV. This craptactular sequel to the 1979 classic, was panned by critics and bombed at the box office. The movie is about a nerdy English guy that falls in love with a young hot Michelle Pfeiffer, (I can't blame him for that). But she doesn't like him because he isn't an effeminate biker like T-Bird Adrian Zmed. So, the nerdy English guy becomes a stunt motorcyclist that ruins luaus. Highlights include a musical number that takes place in a bowling alley. They make double entendres about scoring in bowling and "scoring" sexually. Brilliant.
A lot of nerds in their early 30's have fond memories of Krull, but it is a big old turd. That doesn't stop me from subjecting my wife to it every couple of months. It's the mythical story of a leather clad prince who has to save a princess from some aliens that travel around in a mountain. He joins up with a cyclops, a magician, and young Liam Neeson to rescue the princess. He also has this really cool bladed starfish boomerang thing. Krull may be a cynical attempt to cash on in the success of Star Wars, but...a bladed starfish boomerang!
Who would want to watch a movie about a bouncer in a redneck bar? Me, that's who. Road House stars the late great Patrick Swayze, (respect), as Dalton. He's the best "cooler" in the business. Apparently, this is another word for bouncer. He's not just an ass kicking meathead though. He is into philosophy and literature as well as cracking skulls. Swayze sports the most breathtaking mullet in this movie. It's so beautiful you wish that you could reach through the TV and gently stroke it. Road House also stars Sam Elliot. He appeals to middle aged women who love mustaches.
Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey
You can get away with liking the original Bill and Ted's: Excellent Adventure, but people look at you like you punched their grandmother if you show love to Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey. Sure, it's way more over the top than the first one. Yes, it does have a hairy naked alien named Station. They do indeed save the world by playing Kiss' God Gave Rock and Roll To You. On the other hand, Bogus Journey addresses issues that Excellent Adventure doesn't. Where the first film deals with history, sociology, and water slides, what about the "big" questions? What about metaphysics? What happens when you die? Bogus Journey addresses these problems. Station!
Howard The Duck
It's one of the oldest tropes around: Duck meets girl, duck and girl fall in love, an evil alien tries to kill girl and duck, duck and girl defeat evil alien. It's classic literature. Howard, a duck, is sucked to Earth by a tractor beam. He hooks up with Lea Thompson, back when Lea Thompson was really hot. She enlists her scientist friend, inexplicably played by Tim Robbins, to help. They are assisted by the principal from Ferris Bueller's Day Off, until he gets possessed by a really badly rendered alien. Howard decides to stay on Earth and have dirty mallard sex with Lea Thompson. If you were an anthropomorphic duck, wouldn't you?
Article By Jack Tomas