bill-swift - January 12, 2016
Sometimes, the console wars can get pretty goddamn heated. If you were there during the Nintendo vs Sega conflict of the nineties, you'll know what I'm talking about. You weren't allowed to join â€˜rival' games of tag at recess, moms' weight problems were brought into it, sexualities were questionedâ€¦ it was rough stuff. Ten-year-olds can be vicious little bastards.
The theater of war has changed a lot since those days. Now, we mostly take to the Youtube comment section or gaming forums to bitch at â€˜rival' Xbox One/PS4 owners. If, y'know, we're into that sort of sad-ass thing. Which far too many of us are. Mostly, it's all fairly harmless; you have to have a pretty fragile ego to be affected by a couple poorly-spelt sweary tirades on the Internet. But there's always that one guy.
You know. The one who takes it too far, and ruins everything for everyone else. The guy on your night out who gets a little too drunk, and you all wake up with a dead hooker in your bathroom (which never happened to me and my buddies, not even once, and there's certainly no need to dig up my backyard, because we didn't bury her there and there is no her). I'm talking about Pisses On The PlayStations In Target Guy.
Pisses On The PlayStations In Target Guy made news last week for â€“get this!- pissing on the PlayStations in Target. Feast your eyes on this for a police report, fresh from GameSpot:
"The male entered the Target in Wilkes Barre Township Commons on January 05, 2016 at 2050 hours. The male took a handicap electric cart and drove around the store coming to a stop in the electronics aisle. After removing one set of urine soaked pants he exposed himself and began to urinate on video games and accessories. The suspect left the area after he finished."
Did said dude focus his attack on the games of one console or the other? Was this some kind of bizarre gaming hate crime? We don't know. But if you work in electronics retail, you might want to watch out in case this catches on.