Victoria's Secret Posts:

Monika Jagaciak Hot Sweet and Perfect for V.S. Pink

Oh, Monika Jagaciak, thy complicated name is hotness. I am in fact absolutely in lust with this Polish beauty, now modeling lingerie for Victoria's Secret like most of the rest of the supremely sextastic universe.

Monika definitely falls on my list of most faptastic happy introductions of the last year. I feel like my world got a little brighter since I laid eyes upon her ridiculously hot body and alluring looks. Seeing her now in lingerie and swimsuits only furthers my passion points for the smoking hot brunette. Once I bother to learn how to spell the complicated last name of a European model, I'm always committed to a decade of wanton lust. Monkia, I'm not going away. I pray that you don't either. Just your clothes, please. Enjoy.

Doutzen Kroes Wicked Hot Workout Will Kickstart a Million New Year’s Resolutions

I'm pretty sure Doutzen Kroes isn't really sweating in these Victoria's Secret workout promotional photos. They sprayed her down with water. That only makes her hotter really, and me more jealous of the person whose job it is to spritz down this ridiculously hot MILF in her Spandex workout gear. Perfect in every inch of her passion inducing body, posing and preening and bending for the cameras to capture every perfect angle.

Yep, it's almost New Year's and many of you will be inclined to look at these pictures and resolve to hit the gym more often in 2014. Personally, I'm making a resolution to ask Doutzen Kroes for the opportunity to help her undress out of her sweaty workout gear. If I'm going to the gym more in 2014, I want it to be for the best purpose possible. Enjoy.

Camille Rowe Packs a Lingerie Hot Body Punch for Victoria’s Secret

Oh happy days when V.S. added French hottie model Camille Rowe to their never-ending stable of gorgeous young women in silky little nothings. While we are used to seeing Camille in more revealing looks in Euro-mags, there's something that just says 'winner' (and 'good luck getting me') about Camille's hot body and killer smile.

There's something to be said for a woman who looks good both in and out of clothes, and that thing is, please, for some reason, against the advice of every single member of your friends and family, please make me your boyfriend, for at least a few weeks. Dare to dream the impossible dream. Lust me some Camille Rowe. Enjoy.

Behati Prinsloo Still My Favorite Namibian Lingerie Hottie

Despite falling into the clutches of Adam Levine, who gets way more than his fair share, sextastic lingerie model Behati Prinsloo remains one of my all-time favorite V.S. angels based on my Significant Tingle Reaction (STR) score upon seeing her in her silky little underthings.

Featured in the December catalog for the lingerie manufacturer, Behati Prinsloo shows how remarkably simple underwear modeling can be, and yet so incredibly hard. There are million crazy hot women on this spinning orb, but only a select few can look so effortlessly alluring in panties ads. Trust me, I've taken many portfolios for aspiring young women in distant regions where the gold medallion I wear around my neck serves as bona fides. Behati is one in a million and simply stellar in her drawers. Enjoy.

Candice Swanepoel Lingerie Perfection Just in Time for Christmas

In my vast reading about women's lingerie through the years, I seem to recall that Christmas is the second biggest lingerie shopping season of the year, behind only Valentine's Day. For me in my most previous relationship, lingerie buying time was also anniversary and Sea Otter Appreciation Day, the latter of which I made up as an excuse to buy fur lined crotchless panties without being slapped.

If you're going into your big shopping days, you definitely want to call in the pro to be pimping your finest wares. Candice Swanepoel is that top dog. For four years now she's been headlining Victoria's Secret lingerie with hot bodied precision. Just a spectacular, born to model blonde delight in panties and bras that look like they were made especially for her. It's like Yuletide magic, if Yuletide magic made you uncomfortable in your shorts. Enjoy.

Bridget Malcolm Bikini Pictures Introduces Yet Another Smoking Hot Aussie to V.S. Wares

In my next life, if I can't come back as a hot girl's bikini bottom, I'm coming back as the talent scout for Victoria's Secret who travels the world signing ridiculously hot models to come shoot for the lingerie and bikini merchandiser. Just an epic position. I'd be willing to fly coach, perhaps.

Take for example young Aussie hottie Bridget Malcolm, newly featured in her bikini pimping the shizz out of V.S. Swimwear. That hiney alone is worth going to war over. Her hot body and stellar looks are worth ending the war early to come home and make many post-war babies with her. Good on you, V.S., you've found yet another sextastic Jedi. Enjoy.

Doutzen Kroes Wicked Hot in Her Undies for Victoria’s Secret

Someday I'm going to V.S. corporate headquarters and share with them the irony that they are a company that sells billions of dollars in bras but their most sextastic catalog photos are hot models topless. Then they can throw me out and remind me I'm still $127 short on my payments due for summer collection purchases. Still, it'd be worth it. Maybe I'd run into Doutzen Kroes, one of the truly unsung smoking hot angels who delivers some of the most epic photoshoots coming out of the silk and lace company.

I've already forgiven Doutzen for marrying a DJ and moved back into pure feelings of lust for this fine female form. Doutzen is fast approaching Super MILF territories with her repeated ability to make millions of men want to jump through the pages of the Victoria's Secret magazine they're pretending isn't something they secretly ordered to their residence. Just one fine lady. Enjoy.