Victoria's Secret Posts:

Candice Swanepoel Teasy Covered Topless Lingerie Spread Seals Her Seat at the Head of the V.S. Table

I would shank any one of you in the shower for a chance to spend five minutes in the broom closet with any one of the Victoria's Secret roster of lingerie hotties. But I'd probably take out my own mom if the prize were some alone time with Candice Swanepoel. I'm sorry, mom, but you didn't raise no fool.

My lust for all things Candice has been steady, continuous, and non-stop for several years now. I'm not sure anybody on this planet wears, or doesn't wear, a bra and panties quite as smoothly and effectively as Candice. Even the Russian judges are scoring her perfect 10's. How can you not? That's rhetorical. You can mock my sports teams and my questionable choice of Target wardrobe, but if you ever criticize Candice in front of me, you're going to have to watch me cry. You do not want that, my friend. Trust me. Enjoy.

Camille Rowe Lingerie Pictures Take on Shapes Not Even Humanly Possible (But So Damn Hot)

I'm not quite sure how Camille Rowe was able to contort her supremely fine body in some of these photos, I'm just glad she did.

One of my favorite French girls ever, Camille's addition to the Victoria's Secret ever-growing stable of sextastic ladies has been wonderful visual news indeed. The way her body takes to bras and panties, or quite less with her very lucky mitts covering her sweet boobtastic. She's a natural at delivering the happy tingles. Enjoy.

Lily Aldridge Smoking Hot and Sultry for Victoria’s Secret

Long live the brunettes. Or, better put, may I live long enough to ever touch the fine female form that is Lily Aldridge, I mean, in a consensual manner, naturally.

Featured in the latest and greatest enticement from Victoria's Secret at or around their busiest time of the year, Lily Aldridge shows exactly why even though she's a very busy young mommy, the world needs her to make time for her occasional paid gigs. Just look at that wicked alluring body on Lily and you'll know why we may even need some kind of law to force her to work one day a month in the least. Kids don't need their mothers nearly as bad as gentleman oglers need their MILFs. Enjoy.

Adriana Lima in Lingerie for Valentine’s Day Pimping

You've been forewarned, warned, and post-warned about getting into lingerie buying for the big holiday on February 14th. But it's ever so hard to resist when seeing the likes of Adriana Lima in her bright red little silky things pushing you toward a daring purchase. How can you say 'no' to Adriana Lima in her panties? It seems an impossibility.

I know I'll be on the phone later with my Victoria's Secret rep Kathy discussing various shopping options for my secret shame closet. But do you really want to wrap up a pair a tiny camisole for your sweetheart on Valentine's? I guess some people have to learn the hard way. As for me and Adriana, we're hitting the Skee Ball arcade next Friday and having a couple Fanta orange sodas. It's not classically romantic, but I need to work in my comfort zones. Enjoy.

Candice Swanepoel and Karlie Kloss Celebrate Bombshell Day In Front of Bras and Panties

If you're going to make up a holiday called Bombshell Day, you've got to come up with the bombshells to come give the day some meaning. I'll say this for Victoria's Secret, they deliver on their trumped up holidays. Candice Swanepoel and Karlie Kloss definitely rise to the level of top notch lingerie pimping talent. Two extremely good looking ladies all decked out and hanging out at the Victoria's Secret store in Manhattan to remind people that you have but a few shopping days left until Valentine's Day.

As sextastic and fine as Candice and Karlie are, I hope you will heed Uncle Bill's warning not to purchase lingerie for your girl for the 14th of February. I understand the temptation. But the risk-reward is way too high. I'm not talking out of my ass (though, that would be a neat party trick). Learn from my mistakes. Go teddy bear, flowers, nice restaurant, whatever is easily and recognizably appreciated without body issues brought into the mix. On Valentine's night, you want the lamp going off with a giggle, not going off in a crash against your cranium. Stick to the plan, my good men. Do not let the Sirens of sultry lingerie goodness divert you down the path of classic misstep. Enjoy.

Alena Blohm Is Stupendously Covered Topless for V.S.

Alright, Victoria's Secret. You win. Your attempt to secure the services of pretty much every amazing looking lingerie model in this world to pimp your wares has succeeded beyond your wildest dreams. Though right about mid-center of my wildest dreams as it turns out.

Meet German model Alena Blohm. The latest and greatest sextastic addition to the V.S portfolio of the world's hottest women stripped down to just their panties to sell your bras. I don't think it even makes sense. I know I don't care. I could stare at the ridiculously hot body of this girl from Yemen for days on end, with some nights included. I can't believe my mom dissuaded me from pursuing my childhood dream of running a lingerie company. Where has learning to read and write gotten me in terms of hanging out with international models in their panties? Enjoy.

Lindsay Ellingson Looks Somewhere Between Crazy Hot and Outrageously Hot for Victoria’s Secret

Victoria's Secret really does have a very deep talent roster. When they can drop down below their superstar list and pull up Lindsay Ellingson for a covered topless pictorial in lingerie, well, that's a pretty deep bench. She's one might fine role player, if that role be inducing lust in the heart's of men.

We are going to be bombarded over the next several weeks with nothing but pink and red lingerie styled shoots of hotties reminding us to purchase some silky nothings for Valentine's Day. I say good, bring it on. I am mature enough as a man to know the horrible idea of purchasing lingerie for the lady on this special day, and yet I am immature enough to request a twenty minute private time break with every new Victoria's Secret catalogue arriving at the abode. A man needs to learn to compartmentalize his feelings. Also to make sure he locks the door. Enjoy.