Toronto International Film Festival

Cara Delevingne and Kate Beckinsale Shining Sextastic at TIFF

Toronto Film Festival really does bring out the hotties from all parts of the globe. Well, Britain, by way of Los Angeles at least. It’s not quite Cannes, then again, it’s not quite as pretentious as Cannes, which means you can ogle the likes of Cara Delevingne and uber-MILFtastic Kate Beckinsale without having to cross your legs and smirk. And, oh, what a pair to ogle.

The fine British lasses of different sextastic generations were decked out for the premiere of Face of an Angel. It could have been called the Body of an Angel That I’d Like to Ravish if you know what I’m saying. But I guess movie titles have to be a little more vague so you see them by accident or when your girlfriend says you should see it it sounds at least okay. I’d pretty much go to any movie with Cara on my left, Kate on my right, and my butter greasy groping hands simply ruining their designer gowns. Dare to dream, my friends. You never know. Enjoy.

Jennifer Aniston Nipples Star in See-Through Dress at Toronto Film Festival

Jennifer Aniston probably wins the award for being the most ta-ta proud veteran actress who has never actually bared her funbags on camera before. A dubious distinction indeed.

Jennifer dazzled with her nipples and well-heeled chest puppies quite visible with the combination of a sheer black top and paparazzi cameras at the premiere of the film Cake at the Toronto International Film Festival. Cake indeed. And icing thanks to some of the pokiest nipples this side of the border. Jennifer really does always look rather amazing and though her personality rubs many people the wrong way, perhaps unjustifiably so, we really have come to the now or never moment for Jennifer to fully flash those sweet peaches of hers before they become over ripe. Horrible metaphor, but you catch my drift, oglers. Enjoy.

Kate Beckinsale, Chloe Moretz, Rachel McAdams, and Other Hotties Flowing Into Toronto Over the Weekend

Usually we see the sextastic celebrities hitting L.A. or N.Y. or Miami or the South of France en masse, but one weekend a year our finest looking thespianics make their way to Toronto for the International Film Festival of movies you probably mostly won’t see save for the ones where there is celebrity nudity showcased in one or two small scenes.

Rachel McAdams, Kate Beckinsale, Genesis Rodriguez, Chloe Moretz, Lacey Chabert and others later on flowed through the airport on their way to designer gown evening affairs and movie premieres. I don’t remember when Toronto suddenly started getting all the big names to their film festival, but it’s been a good while. At least since they started using Toronto as the fake backdrop for New York City because it was a tad bit less expensive than Big Apple film permits. Either way, if you’ve ever needed an excuse to head north of the border for a sight-seeing weekend, the Toronto International Film Festival is that time. Maple syrup and Kate Beckinsale, oh, the naughty possibilities are endless. Enjoy.

Jennifer Aniston Pushes Up the Cleave for ‘Life of Crime’

You know I have mixed feelings on the topic of Jennifer Aniston boobtastic. On one hand, I regret ever buying into the former Friends star’s lies about bravely appearing topless in now about five movies in which she does not appear topless. At the same time, I’d elbow any one of you in the mandible to get to the front of the line to love, nurture, and suckle at the tasty teats on this veteran hottie. Such is the conflict of the Egotastic! man. It’s not easy being a super horny cowbody.

Jennifer was showing off her pushed up racktacular pretty swell like at the Toronto Film Festival screening of Life of Crime. When you get past the public relations machine and image coordinators and handlers and Jen’s own bullshit, she really is a rather attractive woman for any age. Jen, call me, I’ve got Canadian dollars still I need to spend. I can be up there in a few hours. Enjoy.

Scarlett Johansson Boobtastic Performance Earns Her Yet Another Red Carpet Stealer Award

Oh, sure, you could say it’s an easy task for Scarlett Johansson to be the belle of every ball simply by wearing something simple and low cut and showing off her outrageous bosom. And, you’d be right. But, so right. It’s simple for a seven-foot center to dunk. I still applaud like a mechanical monkey every time one of those giants on my team dunks. As I applaud fervently every time Scarlett graces us with her bodacious funbags, a more precious and fuller bodied A-list pair I do not know.

At Toronto Film Festival screening of Don Jon, Scarlett created another memorable round of visual magic. For that, I give her the red carpet stealer of the day award. It’s not so much a trophy really as a soft caress along the front of Scarlett’s fine form while guttural moans emanate from my mouth. So, way better than just a stupid trophy. Enjoy.

Taylor Swift Looks Good, Damn Good, at ‘One Chance’ Premiere

Taylor Swift is not everybody’s cup of tea. There are a few obviously personality issues that I can see people taking umbrage against. But unless she happens to be your ex-girlfriend holding a grudge against you and writing nasty lyrics to your detriment, I think you, like I, should let it slide and just try to delight in how tall and hot she can look when all decked out and showing off what just has to be some relatively recently augmented funbags.

Just the fact that Taylor Swift is half a foot taller than almost all of her peers makes her stand out well enough, but getting into showy dresses for venues such as the Toronto Film Festival, well, you can see why Hollywood guys go for her even knowing she’s probably going to end up being their much regretted former fling. Enjoy.