Tom Cruise

So You Wanna Be Married to Tom Cruise, Eh?

You could file this little nugget of a story as ‘only in Hollywood’, were it not for the fact that it’s taking place in New York.

According to reports, while still reclusive in Iceland, Tom Cruise has a team of private investigators monitoring the comings and goings of Katie Holmes since she surprised him with divorce papers in New York last week. Now, Katie Holmes has a private security team of her own, so they are spending their days taping and photographing the investigator dudes sitting in secret, yet stylish, black cars around Katie’s apartment block.

But who is keeping tabs on the all-knowing eye of Xenu?

Well, according to TMZ, the Scientologists claim they’re innocent in the tailing department, but Katie says she knows she’s being watched.

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes Divorcing! Time For Daddy Egotastic! To Step In

Look, I’m not saying this isn’t tragic. Heck, if a younger woman can’t have a happy marriage with a famous gay twice divorced Scientologist movie star, what are the chances for any of us to find matrimonial bliss?

We’ve been wondering of late why Tom Cruise took his submarine to Iceland for an extended June vacation about a week ago, and now we know why. While we’re sad for Katie Holmes and the button of a cute girl that millions of judgmental women can’t stop examining like a science experiment, Suri Cruise, when a door closes, another door opens up. And for my still belusted Katie Holmes and a chance to get her out of those Xenu-issue mom jeans and back into something trim and sextastic, well, I’m walking right in.

For breaking news on the Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes divorce, visit our friends at TMZ.

‘The Magnificent Seven’ Remake Will Star Tom Cruise

The Magnificent Seven is regarded as one of the coolest movies of all time. And Tom Cruise is regarded as one of the, um … well, he used to pretty cool back in his Top Gun days. Now he’s more widely recognised for being Scientology’s most famous spokesperson with the occasional foray into the acting world.

But this hasn’t stopped MGM signing him to it’s remake of the Steve McQueen, Charles Bronson classic.

For those of you not in the know The Magnificent Seven tells the tale of a group of gunslingers who are hired by a village of Mexican peasants to protect them for a gang of bandits. It’s a remake of Akira Kurosawa’s Seven Samurai and starred an all-star cast of acting royalty.

MGM have yet to announce anymore details regarding it’s release and other pieces of casting but it joins a long list of other remakes the studio are currently working on including Carrie, Poltergeist and RoboCop.

Who said originality was dead?