Look, I'm not saying this isn't tragic. Heck, if a younger woman can't have a happy marriage with a famous gay twice divorced Scientologist movie star, what are the chances for any of us to find matrimonial bliss?
We've been wondering of late why Tom Cruise took his submarine to Iceland for an extended June vacation about a week ago, and now we know why. While we're sad for Katie Holmes and the button of a cute girl that millions of judgmental women can't stop examining like a science experiment, Suri Cruise, when a door closes, another door opens up. And for my still belusted Katie Holmes and a chance to get her out of those Xenu-issue mom jeans and back into something trim and sextastic, well, I'm walking right in.
For breaking news on the Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes divorce, visit our friends at TMZ.
So You Wanna Be Married to Tom Cruise, Eh?
You could file this little nugget of a story as 'only in Hollywood', were it not for the fact that it's taking place in New York.
According to reports, while still reclusive in Iceland, Tom Cruise has a team of private investigators monitoring the comings and goings of Katie Holmes since she surprised him with divorce papers in New York last week. Now, Katie Holmes has a private security team of her own, so they are spending their days taping and photographing the investigator dudes sitting in secret, yet stylish, black cars around Katie's apartment block.
But who is keeping tabs on the all-knowing eye of Xenu?
Well, according to TMZ, the Scientologists claim they're innocent in the tailing department, but Katie says she knows she's being watched.