TMZ

Can You Run the 4-Beer 5-Minute Mile? (VIDEO)

By Ian Weinreich | Aug 23rd, 2012 @ 11:10 am

4 Beers, 5 Minute Mile, Is it Possible?

The closest thing I’ve come to a marathon is that time I watched the entire Saw franchise from beginning to end last Halloween. And let me tell you, it was quite the workout. Maybe what’s always been keeping me from hitting the track is the fact that professional sports frown on binge drinking while in competition. But as this video from TMZ shows, all that’s about to change.

Olympic athlete Nick Symmonds manages to put down four beers while running a mile in less than 5:20. Be sure to check out his form: Constant chugging, good rhythm, no spillage. A perfect ten if I’ve ever seen one. Might this mean that the International Olympic Committee will finally take my petition to allow drinking-related athletics into serious competition? Despite their cease and desist letters? Take a look at these brilliant boozy new sports: Read more… »

Kristen Stewart Apologizes For Banging Her Director Behind Robert Pattinson’s Back

By Bill Swift | Jul 25th, 2012 @ 12:53 pm

(Photo credit: Us Magazine)

What is this world coming too?

When you can’t even trust angry emo lady thespianics to be faithful to you while away filming for a couple months. Poor sod Robert Pattinson had to be cuckolded via various Internet outlets as news breaks that his very serious love o’ life girlfriend Kristen Stewart now admits to boot knocking secretly with the married director dude from Snow White and The Huntsman.

“This momentary indiscretion has jeopardized the most important thing in my life, the person I love and respect the most, Rob. I love him, I love him, I’m so sorry.”

- Kristen Stewart

For the entire breaking shoddy tale of Kristen’s sexual indiscretions, check out TMZ.com

Aha! Carly Rae Jepsen Nekkid Photos Do Exist!

By Bill Swift | Jul 25th, 2012 @ 10:54 am

We just don’t have them yet. Or, do we?

Well, according to our news-busting partners at TMZ.com, while Carly Rae Jepsen continues to claim that the world wide circulating oral sex tape of a girl that looks like her is not her at all (and we actually believe her on that one), the ‘Call Me Maybe’ singer is out there trying to stop the release of some very private photos her people seem to be suggesting were hacked from her cell phone.

Oh, luck day indeed. Well, precursor to a future very lucky day indeed.

Check out all the nitty gritty details of the existence of Carly Rae Jepsen nekkid photos on TMZ.com

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes Divorcing! Time For Daddy Egotastic! To Step In

By Bill Swift | Jun 29th, 2012 @ 10:29 am

Look, I’m not saying this isn’t tragic. Heck, if a younger woman can’t have a happy marriage with a famous gay twice divorced Scientologist movie star, what are the chances for any of us to find matrimonial bliss?

We’ve been wondering of late why Tom Cruise took his submarine to Iceland for an extended June vacation about a week ago, and now we know why. While we’re sad for Katie Holmes and the button of a cute girl that millions of judgmental women can’t stop examining like a science experiment, Suri Cruise, when a door closes, another door opens up. And for my still belusted Katie Holmes and a chance to get her out of those Xenu-issue mom jeans and back into something trim and sextastic, well, I’m walking right in.

For breaking news on the Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes divorce, visit our friends at TMZ.

AS CLEAVY AS KATIE COULD EVER GET UNDER TOM'S THUMB

6 Photos »

Octomom Nadya Suleman Promotes Her New Wicked Self-Pleasure Porn

By Bill Swift | Jun 14th, 2012 @ 1:22 pm

Nadya Suleman "Octomom" Promo Pics for Her First Porn

View the Gallery / 16 Photos »

Well, here you go. We’re still working on the uncensored version of these Octomom promotional photos from her first ever porn video ‘Octomom Does Herself in Eight Ways’ or something like that. But, in the meantime, as long as we’re tasteless enough to promote Octomom porn on behalf of Wicked Pictures, we might as well share the black-barred promotional photos courtesy of our friends at TMZ.

Now, I’ll be the first to admit, when I got the call this morning about interest in the ‘Black Bar Octomom Porn Pics’, I was expecting something a bit more involved adult film wise. But, I suppose when you’re talking mom of fourteen stirring her own chicken soup on camera for rent money, nothing about this project is going to be super solid. Still, do your best to enjoy.

Check out all the Nadya Suleman Octomom porn news on TMZ.

Check Out Nadya Suleman Celebrity Boxing »

Ruh-Roh. Lindsay Lohan Lied to Cops At Scene of Car Accident

By Bill Swift | Jun 11th, 2012 @ 1:22 pm

And she might be headed back to the slammer.

Now, I’m not going to personally bust Lindsay Lohan for pretending that she was the passenger and not the driver in her Porsche totaling accident on PCH last Friday. Maybe because, oh, I don’t know, I might have been part of such a stunt at some point in the past crazy teen life not that I’m admitting anything. Still, shit happens.

But when you’re on probation still for drugs and alcohol and jewelry swiping theft stuff, then shit can really happen.

Read all about Lindsay Lohan lying to police on TMZ.com

Lindsay Lohan Totals Porsche in Car Crash; Hospitalized (UPDATED)

By Bill Swift | Jun 8th, 2012 @ 1:12 pm

I know what you’re thinking. There’s a decent chance that drugs and or alcohol might be found at the scene of the latest car crash of actress Lindsay Lohan, who just totalled her Porsche in a collision with an 18-wheeler on Pacific Coast Highaway.

We’re being a bit flippant because we’re told that Lindsay is going to be fine, and the hospital is mostly running tests to confirm her condition.

The Porsche did not fare so well.

Read all about the Lindsay Lohan car crash and hospitalization on TMZ