Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Megan Fox Leggy Hot Show for the Berlin Premiere of TMNT

Sadly, but not entirely unexpectedly, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles kind of sucked really badly. Even the presence of the sultry Megan Fox running around in tight outfits couldn’t save that unsavory turtle soup. But, Megan Fox can still rescue a movie premiere in Berlin, where I guess the movie is just coming out so tons of Germans can still have hope the film will be good while staring at Megan Fox looking all kind of leggy hot at the premiere. That’s how I got hooked in the first place.

Megan Fox may not be one-hundred percent what she was in latter years, but that’s like saying Peyton Manning isn’t what he used to be. He’s still really really good. Megan Fox is still really really hot. And as for short dresses showing off her toned alluring legs, wunderbar! Enjoy.

Bella Thorne In Leather Booty Shorts, Megan Fox Hotness, Ginny Gardner Blonde Sextastic Highlight the TMNT Premiere in Los Angeles

It’s finally here. Not sure you’ve been waiting for it, but Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles opens Friday among what is now a completely died down controversy over everything. All that is left to do is bring out the hotties for the Hollywood Premiere, as they did last night including movie starlet Megan Fox looking rather MILFtastic fine, Bella Thorne who were leather shorts quite certain to be noticed, newcomer Ginny Gardner who is nineteen and ready to explode in Tinsel Town, and Jordana Brewster who could be my fake prom date to the prom set up in my basement any day. I would be a lucky man.

I’ll say this for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. It may only be the 1287th best idea for a comic book turned movie, but those turtles do manage to get the hot girls to come out for the evening. Just like your idiotic classmate in college who had the same inexplicable powers, you called him friend. Enjoy.

Megan Fox Hella Hot Down Mexico Way for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Premiere

Megan Fox could sell me anything. Even on the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. While I have a feeling it’s going to insult my childhood something fierce, how I can I really skip any movie with the delicious brunette sextastic Megan Fox running around in tight sweaters. I’d watching her cleaning stables dressed like that.

Megan Fox was the star of the red carpet for the TMNT premiere in Mexico City, where she showed off her svelt figure and perfectly toned legs and make everybody stop carrying about the turtles origin stories and similar fan boy divisions. It was just about imagining April O’Neil diligently reporting on the feelings of passions running up and down your nervous system. The tingles have spoken. I will see you opening day, Megan. Sucker am I. Enjoy.

Megan Fox Shows Up Leggy and Hot for TMNT Panel at Comic-Con

I don’t quite understand why the nerd boy armies want to speak to the actors in certain geek world movie fare, as opposed to the producers, creators, artists, and writers and such of the actual content. Though I do readily understand why more people will show up to see Megan Fox in a short dress than a balding pale writer discussing the origins of April O’Neil as a symbol of the fourth estate.

Megan has been making far less public appearances these days being a MILFy mommy and all, but when she does, she still holds the bright torch of the sextastic as always, leaving all of her other red carpet followers in her wake. Oh, that I could be in Megan Fox’s wake. I’d breath the air in slowly. TMI on TMNT? Perhaps, but Megan Fox is absolutely positively the best hook for selling that fighting turtles flick. I’d rename it the Megan Fox in Tight Tops Movie but fast. Enjoy.

Yes, the New TMNT Movie Has a Rap Song, and Yes, It Is Hilariously Terrible

ninja turtles rap song
Juicy J, Wiz Khalifa, and Ty Dolla $ign rap about turtles
Apparently Vanilla Ice was not available...

It remains to be seen whether the Michael Bay-produced, Jonathan Liebesman-directed Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reboot is any good. Personally I have my doubts, but I’m trying to keep an open mind.

One thing we know for sure right now, though, is that the new flick will carry on the tradition of having a really terrible original rap song on the soundtrack.

Now obviously, it’s not easy to follow in the footsteps of a rap legend like Vanilla Ice, who changed popular music forever when he recorded “Ninja Rap 2″ for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II back in 1991. However, Juicy J, Wiz Khalifa, and Ty Dolla $ign were brave enough to take a stab at it. And while the chorus “Knock, Knock, You About to Get Shell-Shocked” doesn’t roll of the tongue as smoothly as “Go Ninja, Go Ninja, Go,” it’s still pretty fantastic.

Don’t take my word for it, though. Have a listen to the new song above. Then, after you’ve let the knew one sink in a bit, compare it to Ice’s 1991 classic below.

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reboot hits theaters August 8, 2014.

New ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ Trailer Admits That, Yes, Alien Turtles Are Stupid

tmnt movie trailer 2
But apparently Donatello is a bug?

When Michael Bay pulled a Michael Bay and announced that the turtles in his upcoming Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reboot would be aliens, people went apeshit, and understandably so. I mean, they’re the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, not Teenage Alien Ninjas Who Look Like Turtles. If you change that, you might as well make them 20-something kung fu experts while you’re at it.

Fortunately, the negative backlash forced Bay to retreat from this awful idea. Leonardo, Michelangelo, Donatello, and Raphael are once again mutant turtles. And in a nod to the die-hard fans who got their way, in the film’s second trailer, they basically just come out and admit the alien thing was a really stupid idea. (Watch it. You’ll see.)

Of course, aside from that and a few other sassy one-liners, there’s really not that much to get excited about in this trailer. For the most part it’s just a typical Michael Bay affair—shiny, explody, and edited so as to induce seizures.

The funny thing is, Michael Bay isn’t even the director. Jonathan Liebesman is.

TMNT hits theaters August 8, 2014.

Megan Fox in Tight Jeans Means I’ll Be Seeing TMNT

I’ll probably get lots of candy, maybe bring my Kindle, but I’m definitely locked in on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles the movie, or, more precisely, Megan Fox and her still righteous body that I have coveted like a desert wanderer thirsts for water.

Yes, I know it’s just Megan Fox in jeans, but I’m guessing those jeans come off at some point. Maybe not in this silly movie, but in my dreams, I assure you. Like they were greased. Enjoy.