Teen Choice Awards Posts:

Selena Gomez, Nina Dobrev, Shay Mitchell, Just Some of the Hotties Out for the 2013 Teen Choice Awards

I think it goes without saying that you can't have a lowest common denominator of taste than anything teens choose on national television. So unless you're a 14-year old girl and when asked about the last book you read you answer, 'Huh?', you're probably not a fan or even familiar with the name of most of the honorees and winners at last night's 2013 Teen Choice Awards. Just know that somebody at Fox thought it'd be cool to give away surfboards instead of trophies, because that's so damn teen relatable.

Nevertheless, as always, anything award show related and big network is going to bring out some serious starpower and some sweet hotties decked out in their finest, including Selena Gomez, who stole the show in her double slit form fitting dress, ever hot Nina Dobrev, Miley Cyrus sticking out her tongue for no reason, underrated Shay Mitchell, a busty grown up Abigail Breslin, and much much more. You really should get out your Mr. Zogs and check them all out. Enjoy.

Selena Gomez, Demi Lovato, and Nina Dobrev Highlight Cast of Hotties at Teen Choice Awards

There's a reason we don't let teens, most especially young teen girls, make important decisions. For one, Justin Bieber would be our nation's first lesbian President, and while hair-twistees would replace war, a whole bunch of other bad shizz would befall us as all important institutions were slowly turned into Forever 21 stores.

That being said, the Teen Choice Awards while being completely inane and craptastic in concept and delivery, did manage to deliver a bevy of super sextastic celebrities to the red carpet and insipid in-show skits, that with the volume turned all the way off, became tolerable thanks to the hotness of Selena Gomez, Demi Lovato, Nina Dobrev, Taylor Swift, Hayden Panettiere, Zooey Deschanel, Bella Thorne, Lea Michele, and Victoria Justice. Pack all those ladies into a suitcase and head out for a weekend of non-stop self-stimulation, if you know what I'm saying. And, you do. Enjoy.

Selena Gomez, Taylor Swift, and Ashley Greene Lead Long List of Sextastic Young Ladies at the Teen Choice Awards

I have absolutely no clue what the Teen Choice Awards are and not sure how they differ from the MTV Award shows and the billion other made-up award thing on television aimed at a teen audience, and, I don't care, because whatever the heck it is, it brought out the young Hollywood hotties in droves and droves last night to the Universal Amphitheater where 12-year old girl voting ruled the day, with producers throwing in The Kardashians and Tyra Banks and such to try and get a living soul past high school age to pay attention.

Still, the red carpet and show did sizzle with the likes of Selena Gomez, Taylor Swift, Ashley Greene, Rachel Bilson, Nina Dobrev, Demi Lovato, Avril Lavigne, Alexa Vega, Lucy Hale, Elizabeth Banks, and Blake Lively. Imagine all those girls scantily clad in a Motel 6 standard rack rate room and you kind of are halfway toward my most recurring daydream. So much hotness packed into one tight little space. Enjoy.

Why Does God Play Bad Jokes On Us?

We've got a bevy of Teen Choice Award photos to share with you in the morning, after I sober up from going all Edward 40-hands on a couple cans of outlawed Four Loko to drive away the pain of seeing Justin Bieber nibbling on Selena Gomez.

So ridiculously and cosmically unfair.