Star Wars Posts:

JJ Abrams, Please Grant an STD-Ridden Man’s Wish of Reading the Script for ‘Star Wars Episode VII’

By Ian | January 25, 2013 @ 1:02 pm

JJ Abrams is a nice guy. He granted a dying man's last wish and arranged for a private screening of an early cut of Star Trek into Darkness for him. I mean, c'mon, what a mensch. Which is why I'm sure after he reads the following letter, he'll allow me to get to read the new draft of Michael Arndt's Star Wars Episode VII script.

Dear JJ,

I am suffering from an affliction. An affliction of the sexually transmitted variety. I won't get into specifics of which one, but let's just say that it's visible, it's red and it burns. How did I get this? That's not important. I was young. I was innocent. I was naive. But it's a problem. I wear this scarlet letter upon my face, alienating any single girls who may want to go out on the weekends. Because let's face it: No one wants to date the Hot Zone. So basically I'm saying I've got some time on my hands. Time that could very well be spent reading the draft of your next movie, Star Wars Episode VII.  Read More » »

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BREAKING NEWS! Looks Like JJ Abrams is Directing ‘Star Wars Episode VII’ After All

By Ian | January 24, 2013 @ 3:31 pm

Remember that time JJ Abrams was asked if he would be up for directing the newest Star Wars movie for Disney and he said that on top of his loyalty to the Star Trek franchise, he'd 'rather be in the audience not knowing what was coming, rather than being involved in the minutiae of making them'? Remember that? Well, if Deadline is accurate, then it turns out JJ served you a heaping pile of bullshit complete with an in-your-face lens flare. Because it looks like JJ Abrams will be directing Star Wars Episode VII.

What does this mean for the inevitable third Star Trek movie to follow this year's Into Darkness? Will a new director be chosen? Is Abrams only slated to direct Episode VII, leaving others to pick up the slack for VIII and IX much like the original trilogy? Or does his deal include all three films of the new trilogy? And does this mean we'll live in a world where Star Trek movies look identical to Star Wars ones? Let's hope not. But all these questions and probably a thousand more will be answered in the near future. And with all the promotion JJ will be doing for Into Darkness in the next few months, I'm sure there will be plenty of opportunities to ask. More details as they become available.

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Until ‘Episode VII’ All We Have Are the Funniest ‘Star Wars’ Spoofs On the Net (VIDEO)

By Ian | January 11, 2013 @ 11:20 am
Wookie Audition
SNL's infamous Star Wars auditions Watch »
MTV ET
Episode I got the VMA spoof treatment Watch »
Moves Like Jabba
Maroon 5 discovers Jagger's not the only one with moves. Watch »
Spoof Wars

Save for some director rejections, the Star Wars Episode VII news has been trickling out slower than a ship that can't even do the Kessel Run in under 12 parsecs. And since my spy over at Disney was caught sneaking through the trash outside of the development offices and has since been disappeared, I haven't been able to get so much as a peep out of those guys. So to kill time until some actual news is dispersed about the progression of the next Star Wars movie, I've been catching up on some new and old parodies and spoofs from a galaxy far, far away.

There's hardly been a franchise more parodied than Star Wars. Hell, Mell Brooks even made a whole movie mocking the series. And who can forget Billy Murray's lounge act singing John Williams' theme song with some not-so clever lyrics. So while we wait for Episode VII, as well as Spaceballs 2: The Search for More Money, here are four classic spoofs from the land of Alderaan.

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Look, If No One Else Wants to Direct ‘Star Wars Episode VII’ I Guess I Can Do It

By Ian | January 9, 2013 @ 8:26 am

Apparently every director in Hollywood has been asked to direct the next Star Wars movie and they've all answered with a resounding 'no.' Guillermo Del Toro is only the latest director whose big announcement concerning Episode VII yesterday was only to say that he doesn't want to the job. Having also famously walked away from The Hobbit franchise, Del Toro told The wrap that Disney's offer was 'very flattering. It was just a phone call, it didn't go past that, it was very nice to be asked, but believe it or not, I'm busy enough.'

Del Toro's rejection comes on the heels of Steven Spielberg, Brad Bird and JJ Abrams, who recently said he turned down an offer late last year to direct due to his loyalties to the Star Trek franchise and that he'd 'rather be in the audience not knowing what was coming, rather than being involved in the minutiae of making them.' I understand the trepidation of taking the reigns of a juggernaut like Star Wars. But don't these guys know that even if they just filmed themselves doing shadow puppets against a wall, it would still have more energy and humanity than any of the last three films? There's nowhere to go but up, fellas. Read More » »

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And Then There Were Three…The Last Three Rumored Directors for ‘Star Wars Episode VII’

By Ian | December 3, 2012 @ 11:30 am

Deadline is reporting that there are still three directors left in the running to tackle Star Wars: Episode VII and don't worry, George Lucas is not one of them. Disney and Lucasfilm's favorite is still Matthew Vaughn. And coming off X-Men and Kick-Ass this is no big surprise, but maybe they're forgetting about his fantasy film Stardust, which should've raised some big red flags. Iron Man and Cowboys & Aliens director Jon Favreau is lobbying hard for the job. Favreau is good at the light and fuzzy action stuff but when he tries to go dark, like in Cowboys, he doesn't have as much luck.

Both names make sense and would be on any list for a big sci-fi/action movie. But the big surprise name though is Fight Club and Girl with the Dragon Tattoo director David Fincher. Fincher, who got his start at ILM as a young whipper-snapper, would certainly bring an interesting look and tone to a Star Wars movie, and as he's been trying to get his 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea movie started, apparently he's ready to make the move to something a little more fun.  Read More » »

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The ‘Star Wars Episode 7′ News is Travelling Fast Enough to Make the Kessel Run in Less Than 12 Parcecs

By Ian | November 29, 2012 @ 11:30 am

Remember how just two weeks ago it was revealed that legendary scribe and Empire Strikes Back writer Lawrence Kasdan (and Jumper writer Simon Kinberg--remember that one?) were coming aboard the Star Wars sequel trilogy train as writers for Episodes 8 and 9? Well that may not have been entirely accurate. Now the Hollywood Reporter is saying that Kasdan (and the guy who wrote Jumper) may not have anything to do with the official sequel trilogy at all, but may in fact be writing other movies that take place in the Star Wars universe, you know--the one in a galaxy far, far away.

Producer Kathleen Kennedy has already stated that she wanted Lucasfilm to be producing films on a consistent basis from now on which could very well mean Star Wars movies that aren't necessarily direct sequels but spin-offs and and films featuring tangential characters and that may very well be the films Kasdan (and Jumper guy) have been hired to write and produce.  Read More » »

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Looks Like the Guy Who Bangs Claudia Schiffer (And Was Rumored to Have Knocked Up January Jones) Will Be Directing ‘Star Wars Episode VII’

By Ian | November 28, 2012 @ 11:39 am

So take this with a grain of salt but while out promoting Seven Psychopaths, Jason Flemyng, who's appeared in most movies Matthew Vaughn has had anything to do with, let slip to DIY TV that his pal is indeed in line to helm the next Star Wars chapter. According to their Twitter, 'We chatted to the lovely Jason Flemyng who pretty much let slip that Matthew Vaughn will be on Star Wars IV duties oops! #Jameson7Psychos'. They then made sure to clarify that their Twitter skills are about as bad as their interviewing as the had to follow it up correcting themselves that they meant 'Episode VII' not 'IV' which would have required Vaughn to do some serious time travelling to accomplish.

So do we think Jason Flemyng, who appeared as that guy with no lines and a tail who kept vanishing and reappearing in the last X-Men movie knows what he's talking about? Possibly. But possibly not. Vaughn's name was thrown around very early on as a possible director for the sequel and his sudden abandonment of the X-Men franchise would suggest this.  Read More » »

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