Shape Magazine

Julianne Hough in Super Duper Fine Ass Shape

Julianna Hough really is an overlooked sextastic celebrity. Maybe it’s because of that virginal thing or her modest low key approach or how we all had to try not to think about her really really hard while she dated Ryan Seacrest. The horror factor was too high. But she really is quite the looker with one stupendous female form that ought not be overlooked, just looked.

Featured in the new edition of Shape magazine, Julianne shows exactly why innocent blonde girls with naughty thoughts really are the hottest thing out there. Even if she didn’t have naughty thoughts of her own, I’d certainly be glad to lend her ten or ten thousand from my vault. It overfloweth with prurient fantasies, several of which involve me explaining to Julianne’s parents back in Utah why she can no longer hold the Scepter of Morpheus at her wedding. Can I run faster than a shotgun? Only time will tell. I’m not really in as good a shape as Julianne. Such a doll. Enjoy.

Sofia Vergara Sextastic Shapes Behind the Scenes of Her Shape Magazine Shoot

Sofia Vergara is the wind beneath my wings. I’ve actually never truly understood what that lyric means, but if it means you’d like to strip somebody nekkid slowly over the course of hours, pour honey into every nook and cranny on their ridiculously curvy body, then play Hungry Pooh Bear through the rest of the evening, then it fits with Sofia and me.

Sofia Vergara has one amazing spread in the current edition of Shape magazine, and more impressively, was showing off her preening goodies behind the scenes of her shoot. Less airbrush, more Sofia doing what she does best. Being forty and making every man in the world want to shtup her. It sounds so much more subtle in Yiddish. Enjoy.

Maria Menounos in a Bikini Is the Absolutely Perfect Shape

As far as picking out a celebrity sextastic shape, you could do far worse than our Grecian goddess Maria Menounos in a bikini or little workout wardrobe. Maria fronts Shape magazine this month, showing off the curvy but tight and slender body that has made her well famous in Egotastic circles for many years now.

I know these magazines do a healthy dose of Photoshopping their pics to make them all fresh and shiny and unreal looking, but we’ve seen enough of Maria Menounos to know these photos really are nearly spot on to the hot body of passion inducement that is Maria Menounos. I’m not ashamed to admit I was hoping to see her name in the Celebrity Funbag-Gate list. To no avail. Or, just hope for the future. Enjoy.

Brooke Burke Topless But Covered With Arm Bras for Shape Magazine

Brooke Burke is simply outstanding. I can’t imagine anything this veteran MILF could do that isn’t alluring and breathtaking and causing many a young man to dream of helping her bring in the groceries.

Brooke’s latest achievement features her largely bare hot body in Shape magazine where the mom of approximately thirty-seven children shows off her toned, taut, and alluring female form mostly I guess to make everybody else jealous. Or inspire them. Or just make them want to find a private place where they can think about Brooke tucking them into bed at night with a goodnight kiss. Open mouth preferably. Enjoy.

Beyonce Flashes Her Shapely Hot Legs (Airbrushed, But Still a Dream)

Okay, granted, there’s some serious Photoshopping going on with these Beyonce photos for the latest edition of Shape magazine. And, yes, it is easier to be in shape with the help of an airbrush. Still, nobody is ruining my Beyonce hot mommy body fantasies today. She looked amazing before baby, and maybe a little thicker after the baby, but anybody who watched that Super Bowl Halftime show knows that Beyonce is more than equipped to create lustful feelings in the hearts of men.

You can have your skinny girls, or airbrush away the padding, give me a girl with some cushion and a strong vocal range and I am already in heaven. Enjoy.

Jennifer Love Hewitt Bikini Pictures May Be Airbrushed, But Still Ever So Fappable

Okay, let’s get this out of the way. These bikini and ‘shape’ pictures of Jennifer Love Hewitt from Shape magazine have been a little bit enhanced through the power of technology. Yes, Jennifer is a wicked hot woman. Yes, Jennifer has a body we want to cover in gold and jewels (and, by gold and jewels, we mostly mean bodily fluids). But she doesn’t exactly look like this.

Still, there’s no looking sextastically gifted horses in the mouth around these parts. Not when it comes to JLH and her underlying ability to overly stimulate the male libido. Airbrushing can only destroy so much. It can not destroy the power of fantasy. Enjoy.

Maria Menounos Workout Pictures Will Modify Your Personal Shape

We would do most anything the super sextastic Maria Menounous asked us to. Which is I suppose why her commands in this month’s SHAPE magazine to get up off the couch, off your keester, and work your butt into shape have to be taken rather seriously. I mean, not seriously enough to step away from the Xbox necessarily, but you have to at least consider a run to the gym when the hot-bodied Grecian princess is giving you a prime example of a hot body built to perfection with sweat and love and attention (and my virtual massages, though not sure she actually feels them).

Maria Menounos just turned 34 and looks damn amazing. I’d listen to her body shaping advice if I were you. Not me, but you. Enjoy.