Okay, so maybe these photos of happy go hottie Hilary Duff are a bit touched up by the hands of software. The freshly single former TV starlet has most definitely been putting time and energy into hitting the gym and ship shaping her fine female form for the dating game once more. She really is looking better than almost ever. Oh, Lizzie.
Hilary was the choice of the month for Shape Magazine which inspires women to be their better selves. With similar fervor to how I inspire women to instinctively remember their judo training and reach or their pepper spray. We all motivate in different manners. Hilary Duff has a large scale fan base of the males of the species dating back to her teen TV days. She won’t have trouble finding eligible bachelors lining up to take her out and try to examine her shape just a little bit closer. Good on you, Hilary. Stay away from pro athletes and you just might make this work out fine. Enjoy.
Photo Credit: Shape Magazine
Famous hot person Kate Hudson was looking particularly striking in a pair of short shorts for Shape Magazine. And speaking of shape, she’s in incredible…er…shape. Her legs are long, lean, and nicely shaped. I wouldn’t mind having those bad boys wrapped around me on a cold evening. But what’s really redonkulous in her abdomen. She’s got a full on six pack and is seriously cut at the hips. I’m always impressed by anyone, especially a woman, who can manage a six pack, (as opposed to my 24 pack). She must work out all the time to keep it tight and may I say that I for one appreciate it. I would give her the most exciting three minutes of her life.
But I digress. She looks a lot like her mom Goldie Hawn. Have you ever seen young Goldie on Laugh-In reruns in that bikini? I would sock it to her.
Photo Credit: Shape Magazine
Julianna Hough really is an overlooked sextastic celebrity. Maybe it’s because of that virginal thing or her modest low key approach or how we all had to try not to think about her really really hard while she dated Ryan Seacrest. The horror factor was too high. But she really is quite the looker with one stupendous female form that ought not be overlooked, just looked.
Featured in the new edition of Shape magazine, Julianne shows exactly why innocent blonde girls with naughty thoughts really are the hottest thing out there. Even if she didn’t have naughty thoughts of her own, I’d certainly be glad to lend her ten or ten thousand from my vault. It overfloweth with prurient fantasies, several of which involve me explaining to Julianne’s parents back in Utah why she can no longer hold the Scepter of Morpheus at her wedding. Can I run faster than a shotgun? Only time will tell. I’m not really in as good a shape as Julianne. Such a doll. Enjoy.
Sofia Vergara is the wind beneath my wings. I’ve actually never truly understood what that lyric means, but if it means you’d like to strip somebody nekkid slowly over the course of hours, pour honey into every nook and cranny on their ridiculously curvy body, then play Hungry Pooh Bear through the rest of the evening, then it fits with Sofia and me.
Sofia Vergara has one amazing spread in the current edition of Shape magazine, and more impressively, was showing off her preening goodies behind the scenes of her shoot. Less airbrush, more Sofia doing what she does best. Being forty and making every man in the world want to shtup her. It sounds so much more subtle in Yiddish. Enjoy.
As far as picking out a celebrity sextastic shape, you could do far worse than our Grecian goddess Maria Menounos in a bikini or little workout wardrobe. Maria fronts Shape magazine this month, showing off the curvy but tight and slender body that has made her well famous in Egotastic circles for many years now.
I know these magazines do a healthy dose of Photoshopping their pics to make them all fresh and shiny and unreal looking, but we’ve seen enough of Maria Menounos to know these photos really are nearly spot on to the hot body of passion inducement that is Maria Menounos. I’m not ashamed to admit I was hoping to see her name in the Celebrity Funbag-Gate list. To no avail. Or, just hope for the future. Enjoy.
Brooke Burke is simply outstanding. I can’t imagine anything this veteran MILF could do that isn’t alluring and breathtaking and causing many a young man to dream of helping her bring in the groceries.
Brooke’s latest achievement features her largely bare hot body in Shape magazine where the mom of approximately thirty-seven children shows off her toned, taut, and alluring female form mostly I guess to make everybody else jealous. Or inspire them. Or just make them want to find a private place where they can think about Brooke tucking them into bed at night with a goodnight kiss. Open mouth preferably. Enjoy.
Okay, granted, there’s some serious Photoshopping going on with these Beyonce photos for the latest edition of Shape magazine. And, yes, it is easier to be in shape with the help of an airbrush. Still, nobody is ruining my Beyonce hot mommy body fantasies today. She looked amazing before baby, and maybe a little thicker after the baby, but anybody who watched that Super Bowl Halftime show knows that Beyonce is more than equipped to create lustful feelings in the hearts of men.
You can have your skinny girls, or airbrush away the padding, give me a girl with some cushion and a strong vocal range and I am already in heaven. Enjoy.