Page 3 Magazine

Sabine Jemeljanova Declares Jug War on India Reynolds in the Battle of the Boobtastic

 
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As you know, I’m a devout pacifist. Wait, does that mean you like to suckle on large bosomy teats when you’re feeling grumpy? That’s the word I meant. The idea that I’d actually put two gorgeous women with varying degrees of perfect funbags into actual battle against once another actually disturbs me greatly. But we all must make sacrifices if the greater ogling good is to be achieved. Hence, the often criticized by college feminist seminars Battle of the Boobtastic. Yes, it’s controversial, but it’s also crazy hot.

This week’s chesty competitors feature Sabine Jemeljanova, a complete darling with a racktastic to match and India Reynolds, a veteran brunette killer with the melons of a, well, melon goddess. I couldn’t possibly decide between the chesty goodness of these two super fine female forms. I leave that up to your intensive knowledge after years of hard boob-training. So, in your expert opinion, whose ta-ta’s reign supreme?

Battle of the Boobtastic: Sabine Jemeljanova vs. India Reynolds

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Rhian Sugden and Her Mounds of Renowned Take On India Reynolds And Her Picture Perfect Peaches

 
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Battle of the Boobtastic time. And this week’s showdown is nothing short of Tyson-Holyfield minus the ear biting. Though nipple nibbling is certainly encouraged among today’s stellar hot contestants. In one corner, blond bombshell Rihan Sugden and her naturally nice succulents. In the opposing corner, India Reynolds and her made in heaven mammaries. It’s like watching two top yachts race to the finish in the America’s Cup. I think that happens, I’ve never really watched.

But watch you must. Closely, clearly, indiscreetly. For you must decide which of these two absolute visions of allurement and sextastic goes home in smiles, and which in horribly depressed state of tears. Today, you play god. In your humble opinion, who’s ta-ta’s reign supreme?

Battle of the Boobtastic: Rihan Sugden vs. India Reynolds

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Rosie Jones Throws Down Her Top Against Lucy Collett in a Battle of the Boobtastic for the Ages

 
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You know my udder fondness for Rosie Jones, a glamorous revealer of her faptastic funbags since the day she turned eighteen. But you also know my allure for the ginger topped fuller bodied Lucy Collett who reminds us all that soft and curvy is so very much sextastic. It’s like having to decide between two big football games on at the same time, or, the worst, glazed or chocolate at Dunkin in the morning. I just can’t make such monumental choices.

As always, the Battle of the Boobtastic relies on you, the fine gourmands of the mammary glands, to separate the tops from the even better tops. The luscious from the delicious. The squeezable from the huggable. The lovelier of the two ladies profoundly moving boobtastic. I do not envy your work. But work you must. Between Rosie and Lucy, whose ta-ta’s reign supreme?

Battle of the Boobtastic: Rosie Jones vs. Lucy Collett

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Lissy Cunningham Blonde Rack Attacks Courtnie Quinlan in the Battle of the Boobtastic

 
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You really hate to see blonde on brunette chesty violence. And, by hate, I mean you want to buy front row seats and a bag of circus peanuts candy, which I’m pretty sure are a healthy source of protein. But darn if Lissy Cunningham and her blonde ambitions isn’t throwing down this week in the Battle of the Boobtastic against petite but busty brunette Cournie Quinlan to see who has the finer chest puppies in the final week of August.

Game on. I haven’t been able to make an important decision since I went with PB&J over cheese sandwich in first grade cafeteria. So, I turn to you, my faithful readers and office time wasters. In your vaunted, valued, and otherwise prurient opinion, whose ta-ta’s reign supreme?

Battle of the Boobtastic: Lissy Cunningham vs. Courtnie Quinlan

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Holly Peers Puts Her Twin Bills Up Against Rhian Sugden In the Battle of the Boobtastic

 
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Two titans of the double-chest delights step into the ring today to contest for the title of this week’s hottest mama jammas. Holly Peers, who I would without hesitation shank any of you in the prison shower for two minutes of conjugal time, takes on Rhian Sugden, who is the naturally naturalist (well, maybe not the hair) with a body that men fight wars over. This entire Battle of the Boobtastic seems so incredibly primeval. I love it.

Now, it’s your turn to choose the winner and the not winner. The finer pair of funbags that we shall praise on high as if our lives depended on it. In your humblest of humble opinions, and your expert knowledge of all things chesty good, whose ta-ta’s reign supreme?

Battle of the Boobtastic: Holly Peers vs. Rhian Sugden

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Nicole Neal Takes Off Her Top to Contest Mellisa Clarke in the Battle of the Boobtastic

 
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Time for the weekly throwdown showdown when we pluck two perfectly hot glamour models from the world of giving men so very much to see and insist they go melon-a-melon in the Thunderdome of perfect chesty goodness to determine the finest pair of pert puppies for the week. Some have called me mad for running such a heartfelt heartless game of ridiculously hot bodied perfection. But I hear worse daily from my own family, so your words can no longer hurt me.

Today’s Battle of the Boobtastic features the so ever sextastic Nicole Neal and her blonde charms against the most au natural of brunettes in the temptation laden Mellisa Clarke. There are no losers in the Battle of the Boobtastic, just a loser. One girl who must go home and shed the tears of the udderly disappointed. And you must decide whose Fate this shall be today. In your expert opinion, whose ta-ta’s reign supreme?

Battle of the Boobtastic: Nicole Neal vs. Mellisa Clarke

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India Reynolds Motions for Rosie Jones to Step Forward and Battle Boobs

 
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It’s always difficult for me when two particularly favorite ladies of the lust-inducement industry step into the same round ring of titular excellence to compete chest to chest for the top melons of the week. It’s like kissing your cousin, if your cousin happens to be crazy hot with a rack built in heaven itself.

In this week’s Battle of the Boobtastic, India Reynolds takes on Rosie Jones for the ultimate conflict of sweet teats smooshed up against one another in contention for the crown. I haven’t the stomach or heart to decide between these two luscious female forms. So, decide you must, break a heart, elate a soul, it’s up to you. Between these two faptastic sweethearts, whose ta-ta’s reign supreme?

Battle of the Boobtastic: India Reynolds vs. Rosie Jones

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