Nuts magazine Posts:

Sabine Jemeljanova Plays Topless Secretary of Every Man’s (And Amber Heard’s) Dream

By Bill Swift | January 28, 2014 @ 8:53 am

Sabine Jemeljanova Topless Secretary Nuts Shoot in January 2014

Have you ever thought to yourself, boy, it sure would be nice to have a hot busty topless secretary working for me. I know I have, even when I've been the secretary. Sadly, I tend to keep employed the roustabouts, delinquents, and horribly failed streetwalkers that form the bulk of my moderate to moderate-light working staff. But I know it won't hurt their feelings to hear I'd trade them all in in a heartbeat for crazy salacious Sabine Jemeljanova and her goods aplenty in the workplace.

Featured in a new photoshoot from our friends at Nuts magazine, Sabine reminds us of a time that only really ever existed in our minds, but perhaps one of the finest fantasies ever, the naughty office worker who seems to have lost her top. I wouldn't chide Sabine for her office faux pas, just give her a gentle reminder that if she ever feels the need to unleash her beasts and give them some air, that the more proper setting would be my office with the doors closed and my Def Leppard mix tape playing softly in the background. Love Bites, Sabine, but I only nibble. Enjoy.

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Thank God It’s Funbags! Chanelle Hayes Black Lingerie Striptease for the Perfect Undressed Occasion

By Bill Swift | January 24, 2014 @ 1:44 pm

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Chanelle Hayes Topless In Black Lingerie For Nuts Magazine

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I have this recurring dream where someday I have a son and he gets to that age when he comes to me and asks if there's anything more important in life than a perfectly fine pair of funbags on a gorgeous woman. Then I laugh and punch him in the shoulder. Not hard enough to be abusive, but just hard enough to let him know I don't appreciate ignorance.

As we reach the culmination of our week, we celebrate the very essence of blissful visual exhibitions of the chesty variety. Chanelle Hayes adds to her repertoire of just such stunning wonderments with her new black lingerie topless pictorial in Nuts magazine. When I see, nay, leer for hours upon, the fineries of girls like Chanelle, I feel my world coming into balance and my chakra getting all tingly. It's how I know we're all going to be okay. The future looks grand. Am I exaggerating on behalf of the power of the boobtastic? I am not, my son. Thank God It's Funbags!

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Thank God It’s Funbags! Sabine, Joey, Rosie, and Melissa Get Together for a Topless Office Party

By Bill Swift | January 17, 2014 @ 12:36 pm

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Rosie Jones, Sabine Jemeljanova, Melissa Debling and Joey Fisher Topless Nuts Shoot January 2014

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Oh blessed final day of the workweek, you have arrived like a cold frosty beverage on a sweaty hot day. The perfect capper to a week of pretend labor and overhyped sighs. As always, I do hope the week on Egotastic! helps you get through your daily grind with a bit of a smile and perhaps a happy tingle or two. Of course, I am helped in my efforts by the hotness likes of Joey Fisher, Melissa Debling, Rosie Jones, and Sabine Jemeljanova, who all got topless at the Nuts magazine office for some visual wonderments. It's the office I always imagined Id work in, you know, act like I wasn't staring as four wickedly sextastic women began to unrobe around me while my insides were melting. I'm blessed to have something not too dissimilar. Minus Rosie, Joey, Melissa, and Sabina. Alas.

On Fridays we give thanks to the beautiful bevy of boobtastic babes that grace our hearts and minds each and every day we have the opportunity to breathe and to ogle. These four ladies just make the world that much sweeter. A wonderful contribution indeed. Thank God It's Funbags!

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Helen Flanagan Wicked Hot in Wet Lingerie and Less (I Actually Might Cry, or Pray)

By Bill Swift | January 15, 2014 @ 11:51 am

Helen Flanagan Lingerie Shoot for Nuts Magazine January 2014

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Whoa, baby. This is something to behold with both eyes wide open, hands grasped firmly around your chair (yes, your chair, this is a family show), and your breath as controlled and measured as humanly possible. Do not stroke out at your office with these photos open on your screen. Or do. You might as well be remembered for who you really were.

Helen Flanagan is beyond hot. She's in the land where retinal cones melt upon contact, most especially when she's highlighting her faptastic female form in all its grace and dignity and near boobtastic nekkid perfection. Helen Flanagan wet in lingerie or barely covered up with her hand-bra is just almost unfair. So unfair I want to complain. If I could speak. This lingerie pictorial of the soap star in Nuts magazine just makes me want to sing out with thanks to the heavens. Somebody made this fine creature and deserves a bit of kudos. Enjoy.

HELEN OFTEN HAS TROUBLES KEEPING HER PUPPIES ON THE LEASH

Helen Flanagan Cleavage Spills Out of Her Top at Anti-Exotic Skins Photocall in London

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Rosie Jones Topless, Terrific, and Totally Boobtastic for Ta-Ta Tuesday

By Bill Swift | January 14, 2014 @ 11:41 am

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Rosie Jones Topless in a Bikini for Nuts Photoshoot January 2014

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I do so love Rosie Jones. She remains high on my list of girls I'd most like to be stranded on a desert island with with nothing but our physical passions to soothe our lost souls. Oh, the coconuts that would fall during our rounds of epic lovemaking. The macaws would screech and the monkeys would holler, but nothing would interrupt our primal mutual lust. Or, if not mutual, you know, Rosie fashioning spears from bamboo stalks and threatening my tallywacker if I even get near her newly fashioned beach hut. Eventually, passion will prevail.

Featured in the latest edition of Nuts magazine, Rosie Jones and her bodacious beautiful boobtastic give evidence as to my desert island rankings. She's just ever so perfect. My angel is a centerfold. Enjoy.

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Thank God It’s Funbags! Sophie Reade Unleashes Her Beautiful Beasts for Endless Sweet Dreams

By Bill Swift | January 10, 2014 @ 1:36 pm

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Sophie Reade Boobtastic Topless Photoshoot for Nuts 2014

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Whoa, baby. When the gloriously glamorous Sophie Reade decides to swing her udders unencumbered by undergarments, my very world begins to shake and shudder. That actually might be me, not my world, but you get the point. Her fabulously ripe melons are a true thing of beauty in the new Nuts magazine, the two bookends to what I envision as the most delightful 'me' sandwich ever constructed.

We've collectively made it to the end of the first full week of the new year. That wasn't so bad was it? While this weekend promises to be filled with football, for for some of us, using our own urine to escape becoming part of the frozen landscape like a wooly mammoth stuck in time, Today, we are celebrating with some of the finest motorboating dreamliners on the planet. Bless you, Sophie Reade. Thank God It's Funbags!

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Danica Thrall Topless Sugar Plums for a Christmas Eve Treat

By Bill Swift | December 24, 2013 @ 7:29 am

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Danica Thrall Topless Screencaps for Nuts VIP

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As we near the end of the calendar year, my thoughts inevitably turn to things I love and give thanks. Friends, family, and sweet delicious boobtastic. Not necessarily in that order. Seeing Danica Thrall topless in caps from this Nuts magazine special video, I realize there aren't many friends or family I'd put in front of an opportunity to loofa scrub every inch of Danica's amazing chest. I don't really even need a loofa, my mutant body would form a sponge like appendage as needed in her presence. If that only sounds mildly disturbing, you're not really picturing it clearly enough.

As we are but hours away from the grand Yuletide event, I'm so ready to ring the bells and deck the halls with boughs of Danica. She brings out my inner romantic. Enjoy.

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